Beautiful Lie
by HeIsTheSunAndITheMoon
Summary: She's fallen apart completely. She's trying to build herself up...What happens when she can't? What happens when she's fallen and no one's there to catch her?
1. Beautiful Lie

I got the plot and idea from CherryRoadHouse =) Vampire Academy is not mine.

Prologue.

I stand there by the window watching as the pieces of the picture fall down to the ground three floors below. 'She could be you. She should be you. She _was_ you.' I refuse to cry. I do not cry anymore. I was taught better than that.

'Don't let your emotions over take you.'

I won't. Not now. Not ever again.

I walk to the mirror and stare at the girl looking back at me. She has a scar going from her right eye brow down to her chin. (Describing herself in 3rd person). Eyes blank, unwilling to show any emotion. Dyed black hair that reaches mid-back. A body with many scars. 'Scars you've inflicted upon yourself...' The tiny voice tells me. I reach up to trace the scar on my face.

'Look at what you have done to your self.' There's that voice again. The voice that never leaves me. The voice that's always nagging at me. It's been there for three years now. Ever since that night... The night that destroyed my life. My hand instantly reaches down to my stomach.

I closed my eyes, take a deep breath, and calm my self down.

'Just kill yourself already! There's nothing left for you in this world!'

I want to. So bad. I want to end this. This pain that consumes me like flames. I'm in my own personal inferno. I wish everything would go back to the way it was before...

But I know now... That's impossible.

I breathe, yet I'm not alive. I haven't been for a while.

I sigh once again. I tell myself I'm ok. Tell myself I don't need help.

I'm in denial I know.

I keep telling myself, everyday, that I don't hurt. But I know I'm slipping away.

I can do this by myself.

_I am perfectly fine._

Such a beautiful lie.


	2. Lighting Strikes

**Thxz for the 2 reviews lol... I was expecting more... but...**

**Review plz? I don't Own VA or the Plot...**

**The story from now on will be flashbacks...**

**Flashback.**

**"Come on Dimitri! Take me with you!"**

**He sighed exasperated, "Roza, you're pregnant."**

**I looked at him incredulously. "So?"**

**"What if we get attacked by Strigoi?" Oh, right. It was dark outside...**

**I sighed, "Dimitri!" I whined. He chuckled at me but nodded anyways. I almost jumped up and down... but then I remembered I was 6 months pregnant.**

**We drove to Starbucks and Dunkin' Doughnuts. We got out off the car and went inside. We bought the coffee and the doughnuts. I was freaking excited. I squealed in delight. From the corner of my eye I saw Dimitri raise an eyebrow.**

**"What? There the damn pregnancy hormones!" he chuckled again and shook his head. **

**We walked towards the car arm and arm, laughing. God, I loved him with all my heart.**

**We arrived at the car, when 3 strigois appeared. Dimitri immediately took a protective stance in front of me. **

**"Well, well. Look who it is. Husband and wife: Dimitri Belikov and a pregnant Rose Hathaway." A blonde strigoi said. "Did she cheat on you Dimitri?" Dimitri growled.**

**A strigoi attacked Dimitri, but he took him easily. The blonde one went for him; they fought and it seemed the blonde one was a lot older.**

**I was too busy watching out for Dimitri that I didn't notice the strigoi in front of me.**

**Dimitri and I had gone over this, he'd made me run while pregnant, in case this happened. **

**"Roza run!" Dimitri yelled at me. And I tried but that was when the strigoi punched me in my stomach. I screamed as I sunk down to the floor, the strigoi ran away, and Dimitri finished off his, and ran towards me. I reached down to my area and my hands came back filled with blood.**

**I screamed again, and again. Dimitri picked me up and took me to the hospital.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**I woke up to a blinding light. Dimitri sat to my side. his head buried in his hands. I could hear weeping from outside. And as I remembered the events that had happened, my hands immediately reached towards my stomach. I screamed when I realized it was flat.**

**Dimitri looked up. My god, he looked horrible. His eyes were blood- shot. The doctors came in along with Lissa, Christian, Eddie, Mia, Sonya Karp, Mikhail, and my parents. They all looked the same. **

**I started screaming.**

**"Where's my baby!" I screeched.**

**"Where is he! Answer me!" The doctor looked at me sympathetically. **

**"I am sorry Mrs. Belikov. He only survived 3 hours." **

**I felt my world end. Everything around me crashed down. **

**"No,no,no! NOOOO!" I sobbed. I looked up to see Dimitri, but he was walking towards the door. **

**"Don't leave I." I begged, I needed him. His hand hesitated on the door knob.**

**"I can't. I'm sorry."**

**I looked towards the window. It was dark outside and it was raining.**

** Lighting strikes as ****I sobbed for the loss of my baby boy and for what I knew I was going to lose...**

**Dimitri.**


	3. I Can't Either

**Another Flashback =)**

**Its been three months since the accident... I was released two months ago from the hospital. I sit in the couch, looking out the window. My hand tracing the scar on my face.**

**When Dimitri walks in to the house he doesn't even spare me a second look. I blink back tears. He sits in the couch in front of a few minutes he gets up and goes over to the kitchen.**

**30 minutes later.**

**"Dinner's ready." He says from the kitchen**

**"I'm not hungry..." i mutter and angry look crosses his eyes.**

**"I cook dinner for you and you don't even want to eat?" I flinch at his tone.**

**"Forget it," he whispers.**

**"I- I'm sorry Dimitri..." I whisper too. He laughs a humorless laugh. I know what's to come; it's a daily thing.**

**"For what? For not running away when you could?" I flinch. I hug my self closer, as if that could keep from falling apart even more. **

**"Why do you blame me?" I whisper again looking away from his eyes. Instead I look at our wedding picture. We look so happy... **

**"You could have saved him... I could have saved you... He would be alive..." He whispers too.**

**He walks towards the door, hesitates again, like he did in the hospital. I don't even bother anymore, I know he won't stay, he'll probably go over to Lissa's.**

**"I can't do this anymore," his voice is strained as he says this.**

**I don't move, I don't respond, so he opens the door. As he's about to close it, I whisper again, although I know he heard me. **

**"I know, Dimitri. I can't either."**


	4. Only A Memory

**Once he closes the door I get up and walk towards our room. I stand there for a while, before I decide to pack. I pack my clothes, 3 picture frames, money, and stake. I take my stuff down to my black Honda. I go back up to the apartment, and I look around the apartment; there's a few broken glasses and dishes on the floor from last night,finally I find what I'm looking for; a pen and paper.**

**All I writes is:**

_**I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry.**_

_**-Rose HATHAWAY.**_

**I don't even know why I emphasized the 'Hathaway.'**

**I set the note down and something falls off of the table. **

**A picture.**

**An ultra- sound picture.**

**I stiffen. I don't know for how long I stand there. When I finally move it's to throw everything off of the table unto the floor. I scream and scream as I throw everything on the floor. Picture frames, just anything I find. I reach the fire place where there's our wedding picture and 2 wine glasses. I smash the frame on the wall, I grab the wine glasses and crush them in my hand.**

**I start bleeding and I realize I like it.**

**I finally wash my hands and wrap them around. I leave the apartment without a second glance.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**6 months later- within the same flashback.**

**"Rose! Come on." Willow screams from downstairs. I sigh and go down the stairs.**

**"What?" I ask the blonde girl with emerald green eyes. She rolls her eyes. **

**"Dinner." **

**Her name is Willow Ivashkov. I live with her now. She's the only one that keeps me standing up, without her I would fall apart completely. I met her 5 months ago while hunting strigoi; I saved her life.**

**"How are you?" she asks suddenly. I look at her in the eyes.**

**"The same." she nods.**

**By 'The same' I mean I still have nightmares and still...**

**cut myself. She understands me. She helps me. She cares about me. **

**After a quiet dinner I go to my room. I walk in to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror.**

**I trace my scar. It goes from my right eye brow till my chin. I really don't remember... from what Dimitri said to me, the strigoi did it to me.**

**I lift my shirt up and see the scar from the doctors opened me up. I look at my arms...my back... all full of scars.**

**I walk out the bathroom and lay on my bed, which has a window next to it.**

**I stare at the full moon and the shining stars. It was a night like this where my life ended.**

**I begin to cry quietly as I remember; because even though ****I know I'm alive, I feel like I'm dying.**

**The best I can do is just get through the day.**

**Because my whole world is the pain inside me.**

_**End of flashback.**_

**When life from before is only a memory.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**I borrowed some lyrics from 'Beauty from Pain' by Superchick. You should listen to it while reading this. =)**


	5. Falling

**Ok so... I own the plot... The idea is CherryRoadHouse's...**

**and obviously VA isn't mine =)**

**No more flashbacks... for now.**

_**"You're going to Russia and taking care of that problem? Understood?"**_

**I'd said yes because honestly, I didn't have a choice. Not when it came to Joshua, atleast.**

_**"You're taking Ted too."**_

**I hadn't really wanted company, but... I wasn't in charge here, Joshua was.**

**Joshua.**

**My boss.**

**A kick-ass Dhampir that had trained me, personally, and had made me in to the killing machine that was.**

**A hit man... or woman. Whatever, same thing anyways.**

**"Rose?" Ted asked me from beside me, in the car that was taking us to a cabin near Baia... Great.**

**I sigh, "What?"**

**"Are you... doing ok?"**

**He knew. He tries helping me, but I don't think there's help for me anymore.**

**"Sure," is all say.**

**He nods his head slowly.**

**"I love you," he whispers. I look away.**

**I know he does. He loves me like his little sister, but I can't allow myself to love, to feel.**

**I did all those with Willow and she'd betrayed me.**

**I had learned my lesson.**

**"You can't do anything to help me Ted." **

**"Why not?"**

**"I'm not worth it and... I'm falling Ted. And we both know you wont be there to catch me."**

**We'd had this conversation many times. **

**He shakes his head.**

**"I'll be there," he says gently.**

** I snort, "That's what she said too."**

**"Besides," I continue, "if I fall again... I won't be just falling Ted. I'll be falling to my death."**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**We arrived to the cabin in silence. I had to admit Ted was a good...friend. If that was what he was.**

**Ted wasn't a hit man, like me though. He was trained as one, a good Dhampir, but he'd chosen to become a therapist.**

**My therapist.**

**He was hired by Joshua. Joshua knew that I wasn't ok, and whenever I went out of the country he send Ted with me.**

**I sigh as I set my stuff on the floor.**

**"Get ready we're going to the club today."**

**I take a shower, straightened my hair and wore my blue hair extensions. I wore a black, tight skirt. with a one-shoulder shirt. It was blue and the sleeve that it had was long- sleeve. I put on my sapphire blue high heels,and put on a little bit of make up before leaving.**

**When we arrived to the club we entered instantly, the club after all was owned by Joshua.**

**We found our reserved table and looked around.**

**And I was met with a pair of emerald green eyes.**


	6. Merciless

**Her eyes widened while I stiffen.**

**Ted asks me if I'm ok.**

**I turn around to face him.**

**"Do I look ok?" I hiss. **

**He shakes his head. She walks up to me.**

**"Rose?"**

**"Willow." I say in a mono tone voice. She hugs me but I don't respond.**

**"Are you alone?"**

**She shakes her head. I get up and walk towards the exit, with Ted following me. I hear her calling after me, but I don't turn around.**

**Once we get 'home' I strip off my clothes, out on my pajamas and lay down.**

**I close my eyes and steady my self.**

**I stare into the darkness.**

**I'm so tired.**

**I can't do this anymore.**

**Why can't I just be normal?**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**. **

**"Please don't kill me." he begs me.**

**I stare at him and say, "You should have thought of that before you got involve with Joshua. You owe him money, you don't pay, you die." I finish and shoot him in the forehead.**

**He goes limp and Ted helps me move him, and we throw him into the river. I dust my hands off while Ted stares at me.**

**"What?"**

**"How can you kill like that? So... merciless?" **

**I chuckle before answering, "I was trained remember? By Joshua to not feel...Pain, Anger, Hatred, Love...Anything."**

**"You don't feel anything then?"**

**I look away.**

** "He trained me to control my emotions, but now? Now all I feel is pain... everything else is gone."**

**I'm not just a merciless killer...**

**I'm a merciless person.**


	7. Numb

**I walk through the streets of Baia, Russia, thinking.**

**Willow's here.**

**Which means _they're all here._**

**Fuck.**

**I have to stay away-**

**"Rose?" Ah shit!**

**I turn around to face the green eyes of Lissa... and Pavel.**

**"What do you want?"**

**"You have to come. Your father's order." is all Pavel says. I sigh and shake my head.**

**"Oh yes, you're coming." and before I have anytime to respond he bangs my head in to the wall.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**"Ow," I moan as I wake up and reach to touch the side of my forehead.**

**Joshua would be so disappointed...**

**"What the fuck do you want?" I hiss. My vision clears and my pain disappears.**

**I stare in to the eyes of my father; he's eyes are shining with pride.**

**"Proud you kidnapped your daughter?" I ask.**

**He chuckles an steps away, to reveal the Belikov family, Dimitri included, Willow, my mother, Lissa, Christian, Eddie, Mia, Sonya, and Mikhail.**

**"Oh goody! Family re union." They roll their eyes.**

**"_I'm not running from you._**

**_Come break me down, bury me, bury me, I am finished with you_**

**_Look in my eyes, you're killing me, killing me, all I wanted was you._**

**_I try to be someone else,but nothing seems to change._**

**_ I know now this is who I really am."_**

**_'The Kill' _by 30 Seconds To Mars, came on as my phone rang.**

**I take my phone out of my pocket and answer.**

**"Rose Hathaway."**

**"Where the fuck are you?" Ted screams from the other side of the line.**

**"None of your business."**

**"Joshua's been looking all over for you."**

**"I'll call him." Is all Isay and hang up.**

**A baby cries and my head snaps up.**

**Its my mother carrying a small baby. She looks up and smiles at me, "You have a baby sister. Her name is Penelope." **

**I don't say anything.**

**I can't.**

**I don't feel anything.**

**A boy of around 3 runs around the house.**

**'_That could be him...' _the stupid voice says.**

**"Rose?" its Lissa that asks.**

**"What?"**

**"Do you... want to carry him?" my mother asks me. **

**I stare at her. I blink once, twice.**

**I swallow and shake my head.**

**"How can you even ask me to?"**

**"What do you mean?"**

**"Are you serious?"I hiss.**

**She shakes her head.**

**"I'm leaving," I say getting up.**

**"No you're not," Abe says.**

**"Joshua's bad news," he adds.**

**I snort, "So are you."**

**"Rose, please understand we want to help you..." Lissa whispers.**

**I laugh, "Really? Well, maybe you should've helped me three years ago."**

**"Rose," Dimitri begins.**

**"NO! Just don't you don't understand!" I screamed. He looked taken back.**

**"I don't understand? He was my son too!"**

**"You got over it! You moved on, you had helped, you found love, Dimitri. I didn't. I lost all of that..."I say looking away from them.**

**"I got over it? You don't think I hurt every time I see a baby?"**

**"I don't know i f you do. But you're not going through what I am."**

**"Then enlighten us Rose."**

**"You wanna know? Fine I'll tell you, but I'm surprised Willow hasn't told you anything."**

**"Don't bring her in to this." he hissed.**

**I shake my head, and just stand there. **

**"Are you going to tell us?" He asks again.**

**"You left me when I needed you the most, you blamed me for what happened when I blamed myself too, still do. Everybody else gave up on me once I shut myself down. Do you know what it was like? To have your best friend comfort your husband again? To feel helpless? To have to deal with that every day? No you don't because you had your family, friends."**

**He shakes his head, "There wasn't one day that I didn't drink my pain away."**

**"There wasn't a day I didn't blame myself, that I didn't make the pain go away by drugs, alcohol, cutting... Willow had saved me... but it wasn't enough." **

**Every body looks pain.**

**"And now? Now, I don't feel anything..." I whisper looking away.**

**"There's no pain... no nothing. I've become so numb. In every way possible."**

**"We want to help you now, Rose."Mia says quietly.**

**"There's no help for me... not anymore." I smile a little.**

**"Don't..." Dimitri tells me.**

**"The thing is I don't care any more. You shouldn't either."**

**"I want you there at the wedding..." Willow says almost afraid.**

**"And watch you get married to my ex-husband? No thanks. I got better things to do." I say getting up and walking towards the door.**

**"Like what? Like killing people?" That comes from Christian.**

**I turn around to look at him. I tilt my head to the side, "It feels... nice you know Chris? To take the life away from someone else... to watch the light go out of their eyes... to know you're in control... you control when they die... how they die. I can do it to you right now in the blink of an eye, and feel no regret." **

**Everyone stiffens.**

**"But of course I won't. I'm not really in to killing Moroi." I smile and walk out.**

**Its cold outside, but I don't really feel it.**

**I don't feel anything anymore.**

_**I won't update till I get atleast 15 reviews... I'm really putting my time and effort in to this story and I know people read it... is it really that hard to review? or should I stop? I think its only fair...I have almost all chapters done... you just gotta review.**_


	8. Maybe

_So this chapter has a dark view... It's the beginning of Rose... I don't know going crazy? I suppose =)_

_To answer your questions Do'B: She refers to Lissa when saying her best friend comforting her husband... and its a friendship kinda way =) and the rest of your question will be answered in the following chapters... I think...=) as for the RxD thing... I'm not really sure yet... I've written this story 100 times and im never satisfied... we'll see. And Rachael I'm glad you hate AND love it =)_

_CeeCeeEss: glad you're addicted ;)_

_Disclaimer: I don't own VA_

_I stole ;) the idea from CherryRoadHouse... yet everything else is mine. Enjoy_

**I'm afraid.**

**Afraid of what I might do next.**

**The darkness surrounds me.**

**It's over.**

**Everything.**

**What's left for me in this world?**

**Everything I do... worthless.**

**I have no more tears to shed.**

**No more pain.**

**I watch my life pass me by... yet I'm not living it.**

**I'm only a shell of what I used to be.**

**Is there really no help for me?**

**Maybe.**

**Maybe this is just a dream.**

**Maybe my baby boy is really alive.**

**Maybe I'm still with Dimitri.**

**Maybe I still have all my friends and family.**

**Maybe all of this is a dream.**

_So yah, I think Rose is losing it _

_Review =)_


	9. I'm In

**_Rachael: What are you confused in? _**

**_And all in good time =)_**

**_So here's a flashback on Joshua and Rose *hint hint*_**

**Flashback:**

**"C'mon Hathaway! You can fight better! Can't you?" he was taunting me. **

**"How's your kid Hathaway? Oh, right, you don't have one!" and he laughed. It was a cold laugh, a laugh that sent shivers through my back.**

**"What is it? Did the cat bite your tongue?" (Is that how it goes?)**

**'What am I doing?' I thought to myself.**

**This is my chance. The only one I'll have.**

**I stood there debating my chances, he took this to his advantage and threw me against the wall. He walked towards me and crouched.**

**He put his mouth to my throat and I thought, 'This is it. The pain will finally stop.'**

**Only it didn't.**

**"What are you trying to do? Kill yourself!" the voice of a man said.**

**The strigoi was ripped away from me and killed.**

**"NO! What did you do? Why did you kill him! That- that- was my only chance," the last part was a whisper.**

**He raised and eyebrow and then realization hit him.**

**"You were trying to get killed," he whispered.**

**I got up from the ground and started walking away.**

**"Wait," he grabbed my arm.**

**"Don't touch me," I hissed as I look into his icy blue eyes.**

**"I'm sorry," he said holding up his hand in defense and taking his sandy blonde hair out of his eyes.**

**"What do you want?"**

**"I want you to work for me," I burrowed my eyebrows.**

**"I don't work for any one," I said before I turned around and walked away.**

**"Wait!" he yelled again. I kept going.**

**"I'll teach you how to block the pain. The physical pain and if you're good enough, the emotional pain." **

**I stopped in my tracks.**

**"And I'll help you get the strigoi that killed, your, um, kid."**

**I froze, "How do you know about that."**

**"You're Rose Hathaway, and I've um, followed you..."**

**"And that's not creepy at all," I said. And he chuckled.**

**"What do you say then Rose?"**

**I thought about it.**

**"What do you do?" I asked.**

**If I was going to work for him I had to know what I was getting myself into.**

**He chuckled before answering,"I hire people to kill for me," he said with a smirk.**

**This could be good I thought.**

**It would take my mind off from Willow.**

**That traitor.**

_**Flashback within a flashback **_

**"What did you say?" I hissed.**

**She paled a little bit.**

**"Dimitri asked me out..." **

**"You go to visit your cousin for a week and you're already trying to get into my husband's pants?" I screeched.**

**She looked away, "Not anymore."**

**"What?"**

**"I said not anymore...I told him about you... He gave me these." she said handing me a yellow folder.**

**I took it away from her and opened it.**

**"Divorce papers," I whispered.**

**They fell to the floor.**

**This made everything more real.**

**I looked up to meet her green eyes.**

**"Good luck," I whispered walking away.**

**(3 months later around the time she met Joshua)**

**I hadn't heard from Willow since that day. She'd called a few times but eventually gave up.**

**'Like everyone else' a voice said in my head.**

**"Shut up!" I screeched throwing my glass of water in my hand against the wall.**

**I put my hands to my head, "Shut up," I whispered as I slid to the floor.**

**I banged my head against the wall.**

**I got up and walked towards the bathroom and grabbed the blade that had helped me so many times before.**

**I slid it across my wrist letting the blood drip. **

**With every drop of a blood a tear drop fell.**

**And with it a little bit of the pain did too.**

**But it would never be enough.**

**The pain consumed me everyday and I wanted it to end.**

**It didn't matter how.**

**I just knew it had to happen before I drove myself crazy again. **

**I look at myself in the mirror, "I want out," I whisper to no one in particular.**

**I walk towards the living room to do my daily use of cocaine.**

**It didn't make me feel any better.**

**Nothing did anymore.**

**"What's the point?" I whispered to the wall.**

**I got not answer.**

**"Some one just kill me," I said outloud.**

_**End of the flashback within the flashback.**_

_**Back to the first Flasback:**_

**"I'm in," I whispered looking back in to his eyes.**


	10. Going Under?

**_I'll try to make the chapters longer...but you have to understand that Rose's mind isn't really working properly._**

**_But I'll do my best._**

**Another flashback:**

**"You can't let yourself get distracted. No matter what the strigoi or whoever it is that your fighting says."**

**Joshua stood in front of me, this was my fourth month here. I sighed, I knew this already, damn it.**

**He looked at me, "Don't get impatient. You're great at not letting yourself get distracted."**

** I rolled my eyes. **

**He'd used everything in my past to train me.**

**'_What'd it feel to get your son killed?'_**

**_'When everybody left you?'_**

**_'When your husband divorced you to go out with your so called friend?'_**

**_"What about Mason, hmm, Rose?'_**

**I was brought back to reality when Joshua said, "I'm going to change it up a bit. Now we're doing _physical pain."_**

**"I'm going to put you through a series of events. I'm going to make you feel like you're drowning you. I have a spirit user that'll heal you from any wounds."**

**"Wait. Wounds?"**

**"Yes, we'll be using guns, knives, stuff like that."**

**"Cool," was all I said and he gave me a soft small smile.**

**"Now we'll start with the drowning. Here put this over your head. This is one method." he said handing me a sack thingy I was supposed to put over my head. **

**A little curious, I put over my head.**

**He moved me somewhere and then a few minutes later I felt cold water being thrown at me.**

**I screeched.**

**"Bad move," I heard Joshua said.**

**Next thing I feel a slash in my leg.**

**I suppress my groan of pain.**

**"Stand still or else," he warned.**

**I did as I was told.**

**I heard his steps get near.**

**I felt him and knew he was in front of me.**

**"Don't move."**

**He stripped me down.**

**I was about to ask when I felt him retrieve.**

**A few moment passed before water was once again thrown at me.**

**But this time it scolding hot water.**

**"OW!" I yelled without thinking.**

**I immediately regretted it.**

**I felt something very hot touch my skin and burn me.**

**"Ignore the physical pain."**

**I tried but I squirmed as he left the burning thing in my leg.**

**"Don't move," he hissed and slapped me.**

**This went on for an hour when I was done he had me training.**

**"You'll be training for the next 24 hours. Fall asleep... and well find out."**

**He had me doing a bunch of exercises. I was fatigued by the 10th hour. **

**I did the mistake of closing my eyes because Joshua burned me again.**

**I jolted awake and glared at him.**

**"Keep going," he said.**

**When I was done he had the moroi heal me a little bit.**

**I huffed as I went to sleep.**

**Only 3 more months I thought.**

_**End of flashback.**_

**I stood in front of Joshua.**

**"You're on vacation," was all he said.**

**"What?"**

**"You heard me."**

**"I know but why."**

**"Because you're taking too much pleasure in killing."**

**"And that's bad?"**

**"I want to stop you before you do any more damage." I heard _fear_ in his voice.**

**"Fine," I huffed walking out.**

**I decided as I lay in bed that night, I was going to go to Paris, France.**

**I tossed and turned around that night.**

**I looked at the full moon through my window.**

**'How did I get here?'**

**I whispered to myself.**

**'How did I become so broken?'**

**'Could I possibly be imagining all of this?'**

**I shook away all those thoughts.**

**I couldn't go crazy again.**

**That would certainly kill me. **

**I sighed as I thought hit me.**

**I'm going under.**


	11. Already Dead

**_Sorry for the late update, I've been grounded._**

**_In this chapter you'll see a different side of Rose._**

**_Enjoy...I don't own VA or the idea._**

**I stepped out of the plane and a warm breeze hit me.**

**I walked towards my red Ferrari parked next to a green Toyota.**

**I drove past the Eiffel Tower towards the flat I'd be staying at. **

**Maybe I could...**

**No.**

**I stopped the thought before I could really think it.**

**I shook my head.**

**I was here on vacation.**

**I sighed as I set my bags down on the floor in the flat.**

**I seemed to be doing that alot.**

**Sighing.**

**"What should I do today?" I asked my self.**

**I thought about out for a while.**

**After 10 minutes of pondering I decided I would go to one of the clubs Joshua owned here.**

**Lately it seemed he owned a lot of places.**

**That man had more money than he should have.**

**Then again I did too.**

**With each kill he payed $100,000.**

**With each other job I did he payed me $50,000.**

**Other jobs that included threatening people, getting money back from him, and my special one:**

**Torture.**

**He payed me $90,000 for that.**

**I had more money than I knew what to do with.**

**I sighed again as I fixed myself to go out.**

**I wore a black halter neck dress (link on profile) with red high heels that had clear platforms, and had strings all the way to below my knees; they had a zipper.**

**I wore my hair down, with my red hair extensions. I wore cherry red lip stick and black smokey eye shadow, with silver eyeliner, and black mascara.**

**I put on my red coat that was longer than my dress, grabbed my red clutch, keys, and left to the club.**

**When I arrived the guy at the entrance let me in immediately. When a few people protested I turned around, the bouncer seemed afraid.**

**"I own this club dumb asses." I hissed and flipped them off.**

**My heart started beating with the rhythm of the music. I put my gun in the garter I had in my left thigh, and my stake in my other thigh, inside the garter. **

**I stopped by the bar and dropped my clutch, while putting my cell phone in between the valley of my breasts, strapped by my bra. All I had in my clutch was money.**

**I told the bartender, "Don't lose anything." he gulped and nodded.**

**"My Chick Bad" by Ludacris came on and I started dancing with a random guy. With every more we moved closer to the edge on the dancing floor. **

**I started drinking Martinis, Russian Vodka, and whatever else was given to me.**

**I swayed to the music and lost myself.**

**It didn't matter who I was.**

**Or _what_ I was.**

**Eventually I got tired and staggered over to nearest table, with a guy following closely behind me.**

**'How Low' came on and I forgot what I was supposed to do and just started dancing with the guy.**

**When it came to it I went as low as I could, shaking my ass and laughing as every guy turned around to look at me.**

**I giggled as he pulled me closer to him, and squeezed my ass. **

**When that song was over a bartender came over to deliver us a package.**

**The guy I'd been dancing with smirked at me and then I realized who it was.**

**Jason.**

**A provider for Joshua.**

**He sold us the drugs.**

**I liked him already. He made a gesture with his hands, I took that as a 'go on' and decided to do some coke. I hadn't done it since working for Joshua, but I was on vacation...**

**"Don't tell Joshua," I warned him. He threw his head back and laughed, he looked at me in the eye, with his olive green eyes and said, "Wouldn't dream of it." I sat on my knees on the floor and sniffed the white powder. **

**When I was done he pulled me back and kissed me. "Down On Me" came on. We started dancing again. **

**I was so lost in my own little world I hadn't realized who else was in the club. I was dancing in front of Jason with his hands on my hips when I met a pair of blue eyes. **

**I immediately stiffened.**

**Christian.**

**I turned away from him and kept going.**

**"Hey Sexy Lady" came on too.**

**Jason dragged me away to the nearest table which happened to be in front of where _they _were. **

**I promptly ignored them. The bartender arrived with more drinks, "Joshua called, he said to not give you any more drinks..." she said nervously.**

**"Well fuck him." I said grabbing a drink.**

**"But..." I took the gun out of my garter and lowered it.**

**"What did you say?" she backed and shook her head.**

**Jason was laughing.**

**"Spicy, I see."**

**"Yep," I laughed. **

**He was about to say something, "Shush. No speaking." I interrupted while putting my pointer against his lips.**

**I could tell he was hypnotized by me already.**

**And the thought made me feel... powerful in a way.**

**"I'm married," he blurted out.**

**I laughed.**

**"I don't care. Its just sex Jason. No strings attached." I said with a wink.**

**"Tempting." I giggled.**

**"Well..." I said trailing off.**

**He bit his lip.**

**"Get your hands off her." a voice hissed.**

**We turned around to meet the eyes of Joshua.**

**"Joshua." we both said at the same time.**

**Jason took 3 steps back and put his hands up in a defensive manner.**

**"Hey!" I yelled. Joshua glared at me.**

**"We can share," Jason said with a smirk.**

**"Yeah, Joshua." I added with a smirk on my own.**

**"Get out of my sight Jason." he hissed.**

**"Fine." he left but not before he gave me a wink and mouthed, 'Later'.**

**When he was gone I turned around to face him.**

**Boy was I mad.**

**"You just had to end the fun."**

**"He's married."**

**"So?"**

**He shook his head.**

**"Its my vacation," I added.**

**"He's a client."**

**"You're no fun." **

**He grabbed me by the arm. I stood there.**

**"C'mon."**

**"No."**

**"Rose." he warned.**

**"Joshua," I said imitating him.**

**He lost it.**

**He cupped my face by my lips in one hand.**

**"Stop."**

**I yanked my self away.**

**"Fuck. You."**

**"Stay away from my daughter." Abe said.**

**"Actually you know what? Let's go." I said walking away.**

**I hadn't walked 5 steps when I almost fell.**

**Joshua picked me and threw me over his shoulder.**

**I gasped.**

**"Joshua!" I hit his back but it was pointless.**

**I gave up and just sighed.**

**When we got the flat he threw me on my bed, took my heels off, and my dress.**

**Not that I minded.**

**He pulled the covers over my body.**

**I don't know if I imagined it or not, but I could've sworn he kissed me on my forehead.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

***Tissue warning*? I don't know.**

**I wake up next day with a note on my bedside.**

**It said:**

_**I'm disappointed in you. Stay away from men. Please.**_

_**Stay safe. I'll be around.**_

_**Joshua.**_

**I sighed and pondered on whether I should get up or not.**

**I decided not to and instead turned the radio on.**

**I pulled the cover tighter around me.**

**I closed my eyes and remembered everything from last night.**

_**'Oh god,' **_**I thought. Subconsciously, I'd witnessed something I had rather not seen.**

**Willow and Dimitri kissing.**

**They'd kissed hard and for a long time.**

**I felt something in the pit of my stomach.**

**I felt alone.**

**I _was_ alone.**

**My heart already cold, got colder and closed it self.**

**I threw the covers off, and got up.**

**I wore black sweat pants and just pulled a hoodie over myself. I looked at myself.**

**I looked ok.**

**But my head was pounding.**

**I had a hangover.**

**I passed a brush over my hair and fixed myself a little bit.**

**I knew what I had to do. I always had. I wrote a quick note that said, 'Sorry' and left the flat.**

**I walked the streets of Paris until I reached my destination. The Eiffel Tower.**

**It was dark but it was around this time that us, the creatures of the night could visit the Eiffel Tower.**

**I went up to the very top. I stpped out of the elevator and walked towards the edge. **

**A man asked me if I was ok, I just nodded. But it wasn't true.**

**I'm not ok. Not a by a long shot.**

**My hands are shaking.**

**My whole body is. I walk over to the ledge. **

**I stood there for a moment and leaned down.**

**I breathed in the air.**

**The aroma of death.**

**My death.**

**"Don't." a voice said from behind me.**

**I was on the edge already.**

**"Tell me one good reason why not." was all I said.**

**"Because I love you 'Little Dhampir." I laughed.**

**"Not enough Adrian."**

**"Please."**

****"Hope fades today. When tomorrow hold no promises today. And today I'll set myself free." (I don't know... I though they fit, they're lyrics from a song by Superchick)****

**"Please." he repeated.**

**"No." was all I said before I threw myself over.**

**"NOOO!" he yelled and grabbed my wrist.**

**I fought against him.**

**"Don't let go."**

**I shook my head.**

**I pried my wrist away from his hand and let go once again.**

**When a new set of hands grabbed me. This time they were stronger. I fought but it was useless the hands pulled me over the ledge to the ground. A pair of arms held me and soothed my hair while I just stand there.**

**"Why?" the voice kept asking over and over again.**

**I pulled away from Adrian's arms.**

**The I realized who'd helped him.**

**Dimitri and Eddie.**

**Christian was with them.**

**Oh god everybody was.**

**"Why?" Dimitri asked me staring in to my eyes. I shrugged.**

**"Too much." **

**"We'll help." Eddie said.**

**"Don't try to fix me. I'm not broken."**

**Adrian spoke and took a step closer.**

**"You're still here." he said.**

**"Yeah, I'm still here after loosing my light and being brought to my knees. Still here staggering on through the impossible." I looked away and focused on the moon.**

**"You can breathe one more day. Don't give up just yet." he said gently while I gave a small laugh. He continued.**

**"I'll hold your hand, to hold you from the edge." I shook my head.**

**"Why not."**

**"Because this," I said gesturing to myself and the edge, "was to make it official."**

**"I'm already dead."**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**By the way she's referring to herself emotionally =) **


	12. I Am You

_Choyo: I didn't get your review... Sorry... maybe you could explain it better?_

**Joshua comes in while I'm sitting down in a couch with a blanket over me.**

**I don't want to see him.**

**I don't want to see the disappointment in his face.**

**"Look at me." is all he says.**

**But I don't want to.**

**He kneels in front of me. I look away from all of them.**

**But my eyes end focusing on Ted.**

**He looks concerned and hurt.**

**But they dont know what hurt is.**

**None of them do.**

**Joshua forces me to see him.**

**And I do.**

**I see his eyes.**

**His redifined jaw**

**Everything about him.**

**"Why?" he whispers.**

**He looks worried.**

**I shrug.**

**"I wanted to die," is my simple answer**

**"Rose don't play games with me," he says while gripping my arm.**

**Theres a moment of silence.**

**"Im sorry." Joshua finally says.**

**I turn around to look at him.**

**"Why?"**

**"I created this you."**

**"And I'm glad... you saved my life." He shook his head.**

**"You need professional help."**

**"No I don't," I said stubbornly and focusing on Dimitri. He ha on his guardian mask. Something in my the way that he looks makes my heart beat faster.**

**"Rose, please don't fight with somebody that cares about you."**

**Wow.**

**My head snapped towards him.**

**It was then that he realized what'd he said.**

**Joshua was just like me.**

**He didn't care about anyone but himself.**

**And he just admitted to caring about _me_.**

**He ran his hands through his hair.**

**He looked away from me and started to walk away.**

**That move reminded me so much of Dimitri**

**I couldnt take it.**

**"Don't leave me!" I yelled.**

**He stopped on his tracks, for a moment I thought he would leave just like Dimitri did all those years ago.**

**But he didn't.**

**I cleared my throat and looked uneasily.**

**He had the nerve to laugh at me.**

**I shot him a glare. **

**I didn't know what to do now.**

**"Rose..." Adrian trailed off.**

**"Stop trying to help." I said while getting up.**

**I walk towards the door. Dimitri blocks my way. All I do is kick him aside and run.**

**After that all I do is run. I run away from all of them. I run away from my past.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**"Now you're going to help me whether you like it or not." I threatened the dhampir beneath me.**

**I've been on the run for 3 week now. And it hasnt been easy.**

**"No," he said.**

**I took my stake out and pressed it against his cheek. He squirmed.**

**I pulled out his eyes with the stake and he screamed.**

**"You keep denying me what I want and it'll get worst." I said while moving the stake down to his area.**

**"I'll have you begging for mercy."**

**"You need help." **

**I stabbed the stake in to his chest.**

**I got up and dusted my hands off and looked around.**

**"Gross," I whispered.**

**There was blood all over the floor and table.**

**I looked at his body.**

**He had cuts all over his body, stabs, and burns.**

**"Dammit," I hadn't gotten what I wanted.**

**Fake papers.**

**Joshua had taught them well too.**

**I left Kade's body behind. We'd worked a couple of times.**

**What a waste.**

**I was outside the ware house and lit it on fire. I pulled my hoodie up and walked away.**

**I was currently in Turkey.**

**I sighed and boarded a plane back to the U.S.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**I arrived at Sacramento, California.**

**I walked towards the nearest hotel and get a room.**

**I walk towards the bathroom and look at myself.**

**'_And what she hated the most was her own reflection,'_ the stupid little voice said.**

**"Fuck you," I whisper.**

**'_Now, now, be nice Rose,'_**

**"Shut up, shut up!" I yelled.**

**It laughs inside my head.**

**I leave and start pacing around the room.**

**'What's wrong?' it asks outloud.**

**"Leave me alone!"**

**'I can't do that Rose.' it giggles.**

**"Why not?" I ask.**

**"Because I'm part of you."**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**. **

**She's lost it.**

**Now this is part of the plot ok? And don't worry she'll be fine *hint hint***


	13. Love?

**Flashback:**

**I start laughing and I don't know why.**

**I leave the room and start walking around.**

**I bump into a Moroi woman and laugh.**

**She asks if I'm ok.**

**"Little Rose says I'm not, what do you think?" she frowns and I don't know how, but she realizes what's wrong. **

**She drags me to a place that looks a lot like a house. We walk in and she asks me weird questions I answer to all of them.**

**She takes me to a room where she explains where I am.**

**A mental hospital.**

**End of flashback. (Short I know... but...I didn't know how else to do it)**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**. **

**"No please don't kill me!" the old man screams.**

**I laugh, "I'd say I'm sorry, but honestly? I'm not." **

**I smirk and shot him in the thigh for fun.**

** He screams and thats when I shoot him in the head.**

**He shuts up, "That's more like it!"**

**Then, Dimitri walks in.**

**"I hate you," he manages to say before I wake up screaming and panting.**

**I press my hand over my heart that is beating like a hammer.**

**I calm my self down.**

**"All a dream," I whisper. But the 1st half isn't... and the second part felt too real.**

**But now a days I don't know what's real and what's not.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

.

( 1 month later)

**"Miss Hathaway, is here," the nurse says.**

**I look away from the window to look at Adrian and nod.**

**She leaves but not before saying, "Be nice."**

**"The doctor said you can leave now." he has a smile on his face.**

**You could say I'm better.**

**I don't do drugs, I'm not killing anyone and it's been 3 months since I stopped trying to commit suicide. And I've been here for 6 months.**

**The voice is gone.**

**My thoughts are a little bit more straight now.**

**"But she said that you still need help... but that's up to you. Whether you want to get better or not."**

**I sigh and nod. **

**I start packing and we leave.**

**We board a plane and he tries to make conversation but I don't answer. **

**We arrive at the academy after 4 hours on the plane and car.**

**He pulls me closer and we walk towards Kirova's office.**

**When we enter everyone takes a step towards me. **

**"Personal space please," Adrian voices.**

**I have a problem with that now too.**

**And the only one I've allowed to touch me is Adrian.**

**I sit down and start playing around with my hands. I play with my hair while they explain to me where I'll be staying at; the cabin.**

**My eyes widened.**

**I want to say no.**

**"Doctor said it would help if you stayed in a place that brought the most memories..."**

**I am so going to kill her.**

**I swallow hard.**

**"Guardian Belikov will be taking you there."**

**Oh hell no.**

**I shake my head.**

**"Rose..." Adrian warns.**

**I shake my head.**

**There's no way in hell I'm going anywhere near him. Let alone be alone with him.**

**"Please," I sigh.**

**Damn you Adrian.**

**We all get up and Adrian kisses my forehead.**

**I can see in their eyes they want to the same but they don't. They just wave.**

**We leave and start walking towards the cabin. Its windy outside, we're in December now, and there's snow everywhere. I only have a hoodie on, but I can't feel the cold, but I can tell Dimitri is cold.**

**I accidentally trip over a branch but Dimitri catches me.**

**In that moment, for the first time in years, I felt something.**

**Because while he's gripping me, I can _feel._**

**Feel the icy wind on my face, the warmth of his hands on my arm.**

**The electricity. **

**He grips my arm tighter and I feel the _pain _of his grip. Something I'm not suppose to feel. **

**Something in my heart clenches.**

**And I feel something I haven't felt in years.**

**I feel warmth in my heart.**

**Almost as if it were...**

_**Love.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**. **_

_**So remember Rose hasn't felt ANYTHING in years.**_

_**And she forgot what love is. **_

_**And the depressing thoughts aren't over just yet.**_

_**Theres I think atleast 9 more chapters before Rose's recovery.**_

_**Lissa won't appear much because she's queen and all...**_

_**Adrian, Christian, Eddie, and Dimitri will *hint hint* but only for i think its 3 chapters... or 4... I don't really remember.**_

_**And Willow, well Willow... might just... not get her happy ending.**_

_**Also... maybe a karaoke night? ;) haha or maybe song-chapters?**_

_**Review!**_


	14. In The Cabin

**I walked onto the cabin and looked around.**

**It still looked the same.**

**I just wish _I_ was the same...**

**I decided to listen to some music and turned the radio on.**

**I went and sat on the bed looking straight into the fire. I saw th flames play with each other... I walked towards it and sat in from of it, playing with it with my hands... feeling nothing, noticing the fire is the only light in the cabin.**

_The lights go out all around me_  
><em>One last candle to keep out the night<em>  
><em>And then the darkness surrounds me<em>  
><em>I know I'm alive<em>  
><em>But I feel like I died<em>  
><em>And all that's left is to accept that it's over<em>  
><em>My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made<em>  
><em>I try to keep warm but I just grow colder<em>  
><em>I feel like I'm slipping away<em>

**A silent tear ran down my cheek.**

**All I had wanted was happiness... so what had I done wrong? I'd loved Dimitri and our child with everything inside of me... I'd protected Lissa and all of my other friends with my own life.**

**So why hadn't I gotten my happy ending? I hadn't asked for much, had I?**

**All I had wanted was a family... to feel loved. But lately, I didn't even know what it meant.**

**All I knew was that if you loved somebody too much, it destroyed you completely. Love it self was a fire that burned you... burned your whole body, your soul, left scars, and destroyed you to the point where sometimes you couldn't recognize yourself. **

**I watched my dreams get destroyed.**

**I watched my self get destroyed.**

**Everything I had ever wished for had disappeared.**

_After all this has passed_  
><em>I still will remain<em>  
><em>After I've cried my last<em>  
><em>There'll be beauty from pain<em>  
><em>Though it won't be today<em>  
><em>Someday I'll hope again<em>  
><em>And there'll be beauty from pain<em>  
><em>You will bring beauty from my pain<em>

**I didn't have hope.**

**I didn't have love.**

**I don't think I even had pain anymore.**

**The pain had numbed me.**

**I just wished one day I could pick my self up...though it looked like it would never happen.**

_My whole world is the pain inside me_  
><em>The best I can do is just get through the day<em>  
><em>When life before is only a memory<em>  
><em>I wonder why God lets me walk through this place<em>  
><em>And though I can't understand why this happened<em>  
><em>I know that I will when I look back someday<em>  
><em>And see how you've brought beauty from ashes<em>  
><em>And made me as gold purified through these flames<em>

**Every day that went by was a day full of memories.**

**I always wondered why i was still alive after all my attempts.**

**And I asked myself why, if there was a God, why did he put me through so much?**

_After all this has passed_  
><em>I still will remain<em>  
><em>After I've cried my last<em>  
><em>There'll be beauty from pain<em>  
><em>Though it won't be today<em>  
><em>Someday I'll hope again<em>  
><em>And there'll be beauty from pain<em>  
><em>You will bring beauty from my pain<em>

**After all I had ever been through, I was still here.**

**I was still breathing though it seemed I wasn't sometimes.**

_Here I am at the end of me_  
><em>Trying to hold to what I can't see<em>  
><em>I forgot how to hope<em>  
><em>This night's been so long<em>  
><em>I cling to your promise<em>  
><em>There will be a dawn<em>

**Year after year there was only one thing that kept me alive. The one thing I found a reason to live for.**

_After all this has passed_  
><em>I still will remain<em>  
><em>After I've cried my last<em>  
><em>There'll be beauty from pain<em>  
><em>Though it won't be today<em>  
><em>Someday I'll hope again<em>  
><em>And there'll be beauty from pain<em>  
><em>You will bring beauty from my pain<em>

**It was one phrase... One promise.**

**I clinged to it though it was made years ago, because I wished it would happen.**

**I had hoped that one day it'd become true despite everything that had happened. **

**_"I'll always be there for you Roza,"_ he'd promised me.**

**It was a lie of course.**

**But it was such a beautiful lie.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**


	15. Pool of Chocolate

**_"It's your fault!" he screamed at me. I flinched and screamed right back at him, "Blame me! of course, well, maybe you should've been there when the strigoi attacked me!" he grabbed the neares t thing, which was a picture frame of our wedding day and threw it against the wall, behind me, barely missing me._**

**_"Do anything Dimitri, yell at me, blame me, but do not, ever try to physically hurt me!" I yelled at his face as a grabbed a plate from the dining room and threw at him too._**

**_Soon enough glasses and plates were broken._**

**_"I'm done," was all he said before he walked into the room._**

**_I sank to the floor and sobbed, eventually I went to sleep to._**

**_._**

**_._**

**.**

**.**

_**I woke up to pure darkness and I was dazed. I got up from the bed and walked towards the kitchen totally forgetting last night.**_

_**The moment I stepped into the living room I yelped.**_

_**Dimitri came out running, "What is it?" then he realized I'd stepped on the glass from last night.**_

_**He shook his dead and murmured in Russian. He picked me up and carried me towards the couch. He sat me down and the fight began once again.**_

_**"Can't you be a little bit more careful?" he asked angry.**_

_**"I forgot..." I murmured.**_

_**"Obviously," he muttered.**_

_**"Can we stop fighting for one moment please?"**_

_**Man, was he pissed. At that moment there was a knock and he opened it; Lissa walked in.**_

_**"Hey," she whispered looking around.**_

_**"Hey," I said back.**_

_**Dimitri said hi, muttered something, gave me a look, and said, "Help yourself. That's what you get for not being careful. I'm done." he walked into the room and slammed the dorr.**_

_**I burst into tears once again and Lissa comforted me.**_

_**"You have to understand he's hurting too..." she whispered.**_

_**My head snapped towards her.**_

_**"I am too."**_

_**She shook her head.**_

_**"Get out."**_

_**"What?"**_

_**"You want to take his side, well then, leave. You've done enough. All of you have."**_

_**She walked out without a second glance and I cried even more at the fact she'd given up so easily... Maybe I should too.**_

**I woke up sweating.**

**Damn these dreams.**

**I wiped away the few tears that had escaped. That had happened the night before I left.**

**There was a knock and I opened the door to reveal Eddie; he looked a little bit wary.**

**"What is it?"**

**He smiled, and from behind him, Christian stepped out.**

**I groaned.**

**Christian held out a cup of coffee and donuts, and a smile of his own.**

**"Come in I guess." they walked in and looked around.**

**"Aren't you cold?" they asked shivering.**

**The fire had gone out last night I guess.**

**I frowned, "Nah, I didn't even feel the fire going out."**

**They raised and eyebrow and Christian set down the food.**

**"I don't eat donuts. I'll take the coffee and you two can leave."**

**They didn't say anything and didn't question me either. "Joshua wants you to spar..." Eddie spoke.**

**"Ummm ok i guess I'll be there in a few...' hoping they would take the hint and they did.**

**I put on a sport bra and sweat pants that were up to mu knees and wore a sweater.**

**I was leaving the cabin and noticed a mirror, I pulled my hair up, and looked at myself.**

**I pulled out some foundation and covered up my scar.**

**The scar messed up my face... I once used to beautiful, but now? I wasn't so sure.**

**I left the cabin and walked towards the cabin with my ipod.**

**I pushed open the door and a few people turned to look at me.**

**I immediately felt self conscious as I plugged in my ipod.**

**I had forgotten what kind of music I had in there and was surprised when "Into you," by J-Lo came on.**

**I turned around to face Kirova, Alberta, my parents, Dimitri, Willow, Lissa, Eddie, Christian, Adrian, Mia, Ted, and Joshua.**

**"Let's go," was all Joshua said taking off his sweater and shirt revealing all his muscles.**

**I rolled my eyes and took off my sweater.**

**I always wore foundation, trying to hide the scars.**

**"Let's see what you've Hathaway," he smirked.**

**I gave a smirk of my own.**

**He made the first hit, kicking me in my abdomen. It almost sent me flying excapt I regain my balance by doing a backwards flip, landing on my feet.**

**I tsked at him.**

**I kicked him and he did fly and hit himself on the wall.**

**"C'mon! Really? A little kick Joshua? Loosing touch I see." I teased him.**

**He got up and said, "I'm out, spar with somebody else... My head hurts."**

**I rolled my eyes touching my abdomen. **

**I probably should've felt that, I could see the wicked bruise form. **

**"Spar?" a deep voice asked.**

**I snapped my head up and looked into the bottomless eyes of Dimitri.**

**"Sure," was my response.**

**Three minutes later he was landing on his back gasping for air.**

**I was on top of him, straddling him.**

**I stared into his eyes.**

**It was like staring into a pool of chocolate. **

**My heart starting beating like crazy and all my turmoils inside of me seemed to...quiet down.**

**My thoughts were really clear, no darkness behind them.**

**It felt... amazing.**

**A few second passed by, but it felt like eternity, when I realized what I was doing. I scrambled up and pulled him up, feeling electricity pass through our hands. We faced each other and I found myself getting lost in his eyes once again.**

**I cleared my throat as I took a step back. I looked around and met Willow's eyes.**

**"Are you coming tonight?" she asked. I felt Dimitri stiffen.**

**"We're hosting our engagement party." she said cheerily.**

**"Sure," I said walking away towards the cabin.**

**I found myself realizing that Dimitri really wasn't mine anymore.**

**Something in the pit of my stomach felt wrong. I laid down in bed and closed my eyes.**

**I couldn't let myself fall again.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Review... So the 'gang' won't really appear much... but Eddie, Christian, Dimitri, and Adrian play a very small role in Rose's recovery...the rest is done by... You'll find out xD**


	16. Pain Again

**A nightmare that included me killing a dhampir woke me up that night; I couldn't go to school and stayed up all night/morning. I staring pacing the room not able to sleep without the images hunting me. I stopped in front of the mirror and saw my reflection.**

**"_And what she hated the most was her own reflection." _a small voice said in the back of my head. I shook those thoughts away and looked away from my reflection. I stared at picture frame that was on small table; in all of my time I've been here, i hadn't noticed it.**

**I walked towards it and noticed what it was.**

**I felt something spark inside of me.**

**'Anger, melancholy,' a tiny voice said.**

**I picked it up.**

**'How long ago was that?' I heard the voice again.**

**It was me, the old me, happy.**

**She had on a huge smile, her eyes were twinkling, and next to her, to _me_, was Dimitri.**

**In our honey moon.**

**A droplet of water fell on the picture, I wiped away the droplet of salt that had fallen from the corner of my eye.**

**I couldn't allow myself to feel like this anymore, the memories that surrounded this academy, this cabin was too much for me.**

**I dropped the picture on the ground and left the cabin in shorts and a sports bra.**

**The cold breeze around with my hair as I walked into the forest.**

**Soon enough I came into a clearing where I just sunk to my knees.**

**I dug my nails into the earth and just broke down. I really don't understand how, but I ended by a tree.**

**I stood in front of it and asked it ,"Why?"**

**"It's part of life," it said back.**

**"Why me? Have I not been through enough?" **

**"What you thought life was going to be easy? That you were going to get your happy ending when people out there don't even have a chance? Besides its all fate."**

**I rolled my eyes at the tree and punched it.**

**I felt this hunger to hurt something, someone, and it turned out to be me.**

**I dug my nails into it peeling the bark off. My knuckles were red with blood, but they were numb.**

**I wanted to feel pain.**

**I wanted so badly to feel something, _anything_.**

**And then I remembered there was something Joshua had't trained me with.**

**A whip.**

**I smiled to myself.**

**I ran to the cabin and looked for it.**

**When I found it I looked at myself in the mirror and the hatred; all those feelings came back to me.**

**Without thinking I whipped it behind back and cried out in pain.**

**Something I hadn't really felt in a long time.**

**I did it over and over again till I had tears running down my cheeks.**

**My back was filled with blood, my blood.**

**I don't think I've ever felt so good.**

**To be able to feel pain was beyond me.**

**It was like being me again.**

**I had tears running down my cheeks, and I was about to do it one last time, when someone barged in and screamed, "Stop!"**

**The leather whip fell out of my hands as a sunk down on the floor with more tears in my eyes.**

**The person came to and tried to console me.**

**They tried their best not to touch the wounds, but just as the pain had come, it had left.**

**And once again I felt numb inside of me...**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**


	17. Will Anyone Hear Her?

**I sobbed into his shirt and eventually looked up to meet his blue eyes.**

**"You shouldn't be here," I whisper looking away from him and sitting up as well as can.**

**"And you shouldn't be doing this stuff to you," he says drily.**

**I meet his blue eyes again and what I find there surprises me.**

**He has tears in his eyes. He shakes his head as he pulls me closer to him, "you have to stop."**

**Eddie and Dimitri barge in. **

**Their eyes widened and they ran to us. They helped me up to my bed where I laid facing down. I heard them scattering around looking fro something to clean me up.**

**I felt a wet cloth and i flinched a little. Someone was brushing my hair with their hands.**

**"Why?" Dimitri asks me. More tears roll down my cheeks again. **

**"I want to feel again... This was the only way." I get cleaned up and bandaged up.**

**Christian and Eddie dress me as Dimitri stands in the doorway; we walk towards guest housing.**

**We walk in and I sit down in the couch while all 3 men leave and walk towards a big wooden door. Minutes go by and I start hearing someone yelling at someone else.**

** I get up with great effort and walk towards the sound of yelling and stand in front of the door.**

**"This is my fault? I wasn't the husband that just gave up on her after she lost her child and blamed her when she already blamed herself enough for the two of you." I hear Joshua telling someone, who I suspect is Dimitri. " I wasn't the best friend that abandoned her and comforted her husband when she needed help. I wasn't the best friend that came around later and betrayed her by going off and getting engaged to her ex-husband after personally delivering to divorce papers! You all abandoned her so that she had no one! But poor Dimitri, he lost his child. Poor Dimitri he is going through a rough marriage. Forget Rose who is going through the exact same thing along with abandonment! Just poor, poor Dimitri! I was the only one who offered her help after finding her all but begging for a Strigoi to kill her. I did the only thing I knew to help her, which is more than any of you can say! Yet it is all my fault. If you hadn't left her, she wouldn't have needed my help! Dimitri, the two of you could have gotten through it together, but no, you just add to her pain and guilt then leave her to fend for herself while her supposed best friend gives you a shoulder to cry on! Lissa, how could you ever call yourself her friend much less her sister when in an instant you were able to leave her hurting to go console part of her pain!"**

**Wait I didn't know Lissa was here. I lean in closer, "Willow, you're worse than the other two. You saw the extent of her pain they helped caused. You saw what she did to herself. Yet a little flattery from a source of her pain, and you're ready to go get married! Yes, i may have helped her become numb, but you made it neccessary. Do not blame me for what you did." Joshua finishes his little rant and I hear Lissa's voice.**

**"You have no idea how much I regret what I did, but she pushed all of us away... I-I didn't know to what extent she would go." her voice quavers and soon I hear her cry.**

**"We have to do something..." Christian says frustrated.**

**"If she doesn't want to get better... She won't let us help her get better." I hear Eddie say.**

**"She'll have to do it by herself then..." Mia says quietly.**

**"What if she never does then?" My mom says.**

**"I won't let my daughter keep hurting her," Abe growls.**

**"She looked so... broken. I could see the pain in her eyes, but she enjoyed it." I hear Dimitri say to them... he sounds as if he, himself, is pained.**

**"It's the first time in years she feels any kind of pain..." Adrian tells them.**

**"It's not that she doesn't feel it not really, I guess...She learned how to block it. She hides it, buries it deep within her, it's what makes her numb." Ted explains.**

**"She'll find her light, she'll find her way," Alberta says desperately.**

**"I hope so," they all say.**

**I hear someone get up and I quickly and painfully make my way to the couch again.**

**"Hey Rose," Adrian whispers.**

**"Dimitri will take you back to the cabin, Lissa and I won't be here for a few days... we have stuff to do at court. I love you; take care and please don't harm yourself anymore." he gives me one lingering kiss on the forehead before he gets up and walks away.**

**Lissa is next, "Take care Rose, when I come back we'll talk," she brushes my hair away and walks away too.**

**Dimitri helps me up and walks me towards the cabin.**

****We walk towards the cabin in an awkward silence.****

**When we arrive, he opens the door and leads me in.**

**"Good night Rose," he whispers.**

**I look at him and whisper, "Good night Dimitri." he takes one step forward and I freeze.**

**He moves the hair out of my eyes and his hand falls back to his side.**

**Without a second look he walks out.**

**I sit down on the bed and stare at the fire place.**

**I pull my knees to my chest and hug myself harder. A lone tear rolls down my cheek.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**A little insight to Rose's in 3rd person.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**And she doesn't feel anything in that cold heart of her's.**

**She's so numb.**

**But deep inside her, a girls is screaming out for help.**

**But does anybody hear her?**

**Does anybody see her?**

**Does anybody care?**

**And she feels so alone**

**So betrayed.**

**And deep inside she's hurting.**

**Hurting so much she can't even feel it.**

**Will anybody help her?**

**Who will catch her when she falls again?**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Review!**


	18. Sorry

_**Thxz to unique rose... she gave me the Joshua rant in the last chapter =)**_

**Lissa and Adrian come back to the engagement party being held here, at the academy, two days after the incident. I haven't been out of the cabin, I just roll into a ball, as well as I can, and sleep until the nightmares wake me up. Either that or I stare into space.**

**Lissa comes in to the cabin the day she comes back to give me the dress I'm supposed to wear.**

**"Here," she says laying down the dress in my bed as I curl into a ball. It's a white dress and floor length. Its a one shoulder dress, the sleeve is long sleeve that hangs open at the end. It has a hole in the left side, from below my boobs to my waist, that has straps made of golden hoops. It was clear that if I wore it, you would be able to see half my back. I looked up with questioning eyes and she just smiled at me holding up foundation. I rolled my eyes while she said, "Get undressed." I did as I was told and I heard her gasp.**

**I felt her hands tremble as she touched my wounds, I tried not to wince every time she touched me. When she was done she helped me wear the dress.**

**Before I could ask she said, "Don't worry the foundation won't dirty the dress."**

**The dress was of chiffon and satin, she gave me a pair of white, diamond high heels, the base with the actual heel was golden. They were closed heels that were 10 inches high.**

**She curled my long hair in a side fringe. It had grown since the last I had cut it 6 months while in therapy. It was sill black though and was once again mid back. She put on red lipstick and a light pink blush. She put a white layer of eye shadow, black eyeliner, and glittery golden mascara. When she was done she smiled and clapped, "You look beautiful!" I smiled at her because I did. I gave her a quick hug before we walked towards the commons. **

**She was wearing a strapless, floor length dress with silver high heels and a diamond necklace, earrings, and bracelet. She had on oink blush, lipstick and eye shadow too, with silver eyeliner. When we arrived she stopped me and handed me a velvet box.**

**"Open it. I know things have changed and all I want is for you to get better, I know this won't make up for everything..." I opened the box and found a pair of small diamond, golden, earrings in the shape of a rose; a golden band that had an area full of diamonds that lead to a bigger diamond surrounded by more diamonds making it look like a rose, and a golden locket bracelet. It had hoops and a big heart locket decorated with diamonds and had one word carved in it 'Roza' with a tiny diamond key to the side.**

**She walked in before I could say anything. **

**When I pushed open the door everyone turned around to look at me.**

**Adrian came up and lead me to the ouch table.**

**The hours dragged by until Viktoria went up to the stage, "Today we celebrate the engagement of my brother to Willow Ivashkov. Give them a hand of applause." I took a sip of punch and saw both of them head towards the stage, hand in hand.**

**They had on smiles on their faces, they stood there and Dimitri looked at her with loving eyes.**

**The loving eyes he used to give me too.**

**I walk out of there to the water fountain in the garden.**

_**So because I thought it would add more effect I did it in 3rd pov xD**_

**She walked out into the garden and stood in front of the water fountain.**

**She felt him come after her.**

**"You broke your promise," she whispered into the air... and him.**

**"I'm sorry," he whispers.**

**"Its ok..." she answers, but its not.**

**And they both know it.**

**"Why did you?"**

**"I don't know... it was too much."**

**"I suffered too you know?"**

**He shakes his head.**

**"I want to help you," he replies.**

**"You know you can't help me. Not anymore."**

**"Let me help you," he begs.**

**"Why?"**

**"Because I still love you."**

**She laughs, but it's so lifeless it scares him, and he thinks maybe it is too late.**

**"Well, I don't."**

**"I know you do, deep down. You just gotta dig."**

**"I dont know what love is anymore."**

**"Then let me show you."**

**"I'm afraid."**

**"Of?**

**"You.**

**"Why?**

**"What if you hurt me again?"**

**"I promise,"**

**"You said that last time too."**

**"Please," he begs again.**

**"No, I can't."**

**She looks at him one last time and walks away from him, leaving him with a few tears in his cheeks.**

**"This is what you wanted," she whispers into the night as she leaves.**

**"I'm sorry, " he whispers.**

**"Me too."**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

_**So there you have it... a long chapter and a revelation.**_

_**Review!**_


	19. The Other Woman

**_A/N: Yes, Rose and Dimitri did have the conversation._**

**_Sorry for the late update..I graduated from 8th grade =)_**

**I woke up the next not wanting to get up.**

**My thoughts carried me towards Dimitri and my baby.**

**Dimitri.**

**Had he really meant what he said?**

**Or was it that he was trying to make me feel better?**

**I sighed.**

**Dimitri and I had been happy, we were married, we were guardians, we lived together... So what had happened?**

**A stupid mistake.**

**I had left my guard down and in the process killed my baby.**

**Why him?**

**Out of all the people out there that deserve to die, why an innocent baby?**

**Why my baby?**

**Dimitri had seen him, described him even.**

_**Flashback:**_

_**He had tears in his eyes.**_

_**"He was so tiny... So beautiful...Had your hair and my eyes. The moment he cried made me happy. I carried him, Rose. His tiny hand wrapped around my finger and sucked on it. He didn't deserve to die." **_

_**"I remember now," and I do... I wasn't that out as many believed.**_

**_I remember the doctors yelling because of a complication. I remember the moment I heard him cried._**

**_"Music to my ears," I whispered._**

**_He got up from where he was._**

**_"The purest of music," he answers._**

**_End of Flashback._**

**I start sobbing.**

**He was so small, so innocent.**

**Pure.**

**Why was he taken away from me? No mother should outlive their child.**

**That's the worst thing that could happen to a mother.**

**Getting its child, its own flesh and blood taken away.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**"She's dead," Lissa whispers looking up to meet my eyes.**

**I can tell she's been crying for a while now.**

**"Who?" I ask.**

**"Willow," Eddie answers.**

**Even he looks like he's been crying.**

**"H-How?" I ask shaking.**

**"Suffocated herself with her element." Dimitri answers.**

**I look up to meet his eyes; blank and cold.**

**I look away again.**

**"Earth?"**

**"Yeah," Mia answers.**

**"I'm sorry for your loss..." I trail off not meeting anyone's eyes. A few tears are shed again. I clear my throat, " I came here because I just wanted to let you know I'll be leaving today... I think I should heal by myself. An it's final. Besides you guys will obviously be too busy with Willow to be to do anything." **

**Alberta is the first to one to speak, "Are you sure?... I mean we can make time for you." I scoff, she made it sound like it was an... obligation.**

**She realized what she said because she was about to say something, when I interrupted her.**

**"Look Alberta, do any of you know what's it's like. You all want to help but face it: You don't have the time and you don't know what I've gone through. Or have you ever faced the loss of your child, Alberta? Janine?Mia? Lissa? None of you have been ripped apart over and over again... None of you have gotten your baby ripped away from your womb, have you?" They don't say anything and I take that as my cue to leave.**

**"Wait, Rose." Dimitri calls out. I stop at the doorway. My eyes flicker towards a picture of Dimitri and Willow. I get a pang in my chest of maybe jealousy?**

**"I don't want to hear anymore of your lies, got it?" I walk away before he can say anything.**

**But...**

**It wasn't jealousy.**

**It was pain and anger.**

**Willow had replaced me, and it was true. She had taken my place in every way possible...She'd come into their lives and had been taken in so easily. Gotten everything I once had so easily, while I had to fight for it. I was angry at myself... It was my fault. I had left and left my place open.**

**People say that no one can replace someone else... But that wasn't true.**

**Because the moment that other person is allowed into their lives and takes over whatever position that former person held, they become replaced. **

**In this case I became the other woman. The woman that lost everything one dark night. The woman that got replaced...**

**The woman that cried herself to sleep and lost the love of her life.**

**And Willow became _me._**

**She was going to marry Dimitri, was Lissa's best friend, fought with Christian all the time, she was smart, snarky, and funny.**

**Everything I once was.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Review! =) **

**What do you think?**


	20. We Can Do This

**I stare out the window into the blue waters of the ocean. I watch a family of three hold hands and walk along the beach.**

**I don't know whether I'll be going back or not.**

**There's too much I have to deal with before I go back... If I go back, that is.**

**Its been three months and I'm doing much better... after a few crazy things I did, I'm pretty stable right now.**

**I don't know how long it'll take me to fully recover, but I will.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**(1 year later hehehe)**

**I let the sun hit me as I step out of the plane.**

**I breathe in the Montana air. I turn around when I hear the sound of a horn behind me. I turn around to face a black limo waiting for me. I put my hands on my hips and tap my foot. The door of the limo opens and Adrian steps out with a pair of sun glasses. The wind messes with his hair and I can't help but realize how handsome he is.**

**"Little Dhampir!" he exclaims running the 5 feet between us. I laugh as he picks me and spins me around.**

**"Europe did you well!"**

**"Africa, Australia, and South America might have helped too," I say as we walk towards the limo.**

**He opens the door for me and I get in; I'm not surprised to find the rest of the gang here. Adrian gets in and sits next to me.**

**"How was your time in where ever it is that you where?" Adrian asks me. I take out my camera and show him the pictures I took.**

**"Wow... Looks like you had fun." I giggle and pull my hair up in a ponytail.**

**"I did, I spent some time in South America with natives away from civilization, in Australia with the animals, in Egypt looking at ancient pyramids... I'd say it did me well." I said with a small smile.**

**Adrian puts an arm around me, "I hope you didn't meet anyone new," and he winks at me. I laugh, "I did... He was gay." that makes both of us laugh.**

**"I'm glad your back Rose," Lissa whispers. I smile at her, "I'm only here for one reason... After that I'll probably travel more..." I trail off. **

**I'd come here like I did every year to the cemetery to visit his tomb stone.**

**My eyes trailed off to Dimitri. He was sitting next to Adrian looking away. I reach out to touch him, take him my hand back, and then I think 'what the hell'. I sigh and put my hand over his. I squeeze his hand, he doesn't look at me, but squeezes back; and that's all I need.**

**"It's hard I know... I've beaten myself over this for years Dimitri, but we can't keep doing this to ourselves. Besides I like to think he's in a better place then this... away from the pain of knowledge..." he looks at me and doesn't say anything. I go on, "I met a woman while I was travelling; she helped me get over the pain... I miss him every day Dimitri, I do... but we have to let go," I finish and take my hand back. **

**I lean back and close my eyes. "She said if I didn't stop whatever I was doing, I would kill myself mentally and physically... She told me I had a future full of happiness. When I left a year ago I had no hope, no nothing. But I've recovered as best as I can. And you have to, too... not only do you have to move on from our baby's death, but from Willow's.**

**She's gone now... Move on and let go, or suffer like I did." I open my eyes to wipe away the few tears that escaped. I feel a strong hand in my thigh and I think it's Adrian until I feel the jolt of electricity. **

**We arrive at the cemetery and get out of the limo. I start walking towards his tombstone when I feel the same hand from earlier, grab my hand and squeeze it. I smile and squeeze back.**

**I can do this.**

**"_We_ can do this," he corrects me as we reach the tombstone. **

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**=) I hope you enjoyed it.**

**I was going to make this chapter longer... but I thought that was a good place to end it at.**

**Review and I might update again today =)**


	21. Aleksei And A Man

**We stand there, in front of the tomb stone.**

**It reads:**

_**Aleksei Ivan Belikov Hathaway.**_

_**Born:June 6, 2006 **_

**_Died:June 6,2006._**

**Five years ago, today, he died in the arms of his father. It's been 5 long years since his death. Five years filled with pain and resentment.**

**Something that would end today.**

**I reach out to touch the tombstone and kneel down, in the process.**

**"I miss you so much Aleksei," this was the first time I said his name out loud and thought about it.**

**"We all do. I wish you were here every day, but you're not. You're missed by everyone here... and one day we will meet," Dimitri says gravely.**

**I smile at him.**

**"Your mom's doing much better. I can see it in her eyes, and I think I'm doing better now too," I squeeze his hand.**

**I go over his name with my finger and kiss it.**

**"Don't forget mommy and daddy love you and miss you a lot," I can't hold it in anymore; I burst into tears. Dimitri pulls me against his chest and I know he's crying too. We hold on to each other like we should have done since the beginning. **

**After an hour of being there, the sun sets down and we decide it's better to leave before it get's dark. **

**We get in the limo where I sit next to Dimitri and Adrian, in front of my parents and Lissa.**

**I look at my mom with my baby sister that is now two years old. She has my mom's red, curly, hair and my dad's eyes.**

**My mom catches me looking at Penelope, "Do you want to carry her?" I smile at her.**

**"I'm not ready yet," I say; she nods her head in understandment. I lean back against the seat again.**

**"What are you doing now?" Christian asks. I sigh.**

**"To be honest... I don't know." I open one to look at him.**

**He's smirking.**

**Oh no.**

**"Spill it fire crotch," I say closing my eye again, but not before seeing the frown in his face.**

**"Well, we were all going to the Bahamas," I open both of my eyes now.**

**"And...?"**

**"What Christian is trying to say is, would you like to come?" Eddie asks in a hopeful tone.**

**I think about it for a while... I was going to go there anyways. But...**

**Was I ready to be with them again.**

**"C'mon Rose, say yes!" Adrian exclaims way too excited.**

**"I don't know..."**

**"Rose... I know it's hard to be with us after we've done to you... but can you try? This once?" Dimitri looks at me with pleading brown eyes.**

**Brown eyes I can't resist.**

**"Fiiiiiiiiineeeeee," I drag out the word more than necessary.**

**Lissa is literally jumping up and down in her seat, along with Mia. They guys are pretty excited, even Christian. My parents lit up like a Christmas trees, and Sonya and Mikhail have huge smiles on their faces. Dimitri puts on his guardian mask but is more relaxed now.**

**While the rest talk about the trip I stare out the window.**

**"It'll get better. It always does... Eventually you'll be able to breathe again," I turn around to face Sonya. She smiles at me and I smile back.**

**I think about what she said.**

**'_Eventually you'll be able to breathe again,' _**

**"Eventually you won't feel guilty anymore... Eventually you won't feel like you're carrying a burden on your shoulders," Dimitri whispers in my ear.**

**His hot breath sending chills down my spine.**

**I look into his eyes.**

**And I know that, he too, is hurting.**

**I find comfort in knowing that he didn't see what I had to see, or went through what I went through these past 5 years.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**I lean my head against the window frame.**

**"I think... I think we really need to talk about this." I sigh but don't say anything back.**

**"I acted wrong. As your husband I shouldn't have abandon you the way I did," he says sincerely.**

**"It doesn't matter anymore. You did it Dimitri, you blamed me, left me to fend for myself..." I shake my head.**

**"I went through a lot of things to end up where I am today... With the help of no one. And god, Dimitri, I hurt more than I was supposed to," I turn around to face him.**

**"And I would do anything and everything Rose, to take it all back. To take the pain and inflicted upon myself... I would do anything to take it all away, but I can't Rose. And I'm sorry. Rose, you don't know how sorry I am for everything... If only I could..." he runs a hand through his hair.**

**He faces me, and I see the tears in his eyes.**

**"I beat myself over and over again for everything that I did to you and for everything you faced," he sits in the couch and puts his face in his hands.**

**"I'll do anything Rose, _anything_, to have your forgiveness. To have you by my side again. And I wish I could take away all your pain from today, from yesterday, and from that night 5 years ago." I see the tears glisten in his cheek as he looks up at me.**

**And when I see him, I don't see the great Dimitri Belikov.**

**I don't see a god.**

**I don't see a person capable of a lot of destruction, when he fights.**

**I don't see a strigoi killer.**

**I see a man in pain.**

**A man that wants my forgiveness.**

**A man that wants nothing but my love.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Ha! xD review =) If I don't get more than 3 reviews... I won't update... JK... but seriously review... this is my 1st priority... and I would hate to move it down the list**


	22. Forgiveness

**I bent down to touch his face.**

**"I forgive you Dimitri, for everything. But I can't love you... I forgot what it is Dimitri... I don't know what it is..." I smile sadly at him.**

**He stands up and I stand up with him.**

**He brings me closer to him. He hugs me tightly to his chest and presses a kiss on my head.**

**"Stop blaming yourself, it wasn't my fault or your fault," he whispers.**

**"Why did you blame me?" I ask him. He looks away from me.**

**"I thought that maybe if I blamed someone... the pain would go away. It was easier to blame you than to blame me," he looks back at me and a new question pops up.**

**"Did you love her?" I don't have to say who 'her' is.**

**"At the beginning yes... but then I saw you again and all these feelings surfaced up. The night of the engagement party I was going to announce it was over, but then I saw you run away and I went after you. I guess Willow followed us and heard us. We fought and we ended up sleeping in different rooms... I found her in the morning; she used her element, she got a tree branch to choke her. The note was found by my bedside..." **

**I can see it in his eyes that he blames himself.**

**"Don't blame yourself... It's in the past remember?" He gives me a sad smile.**

**"Thank you..." he whispers.**

**He walks out of the room and leaves me standing there. I sit on the couch and put my head in my hands.**

**"Hey, what's wrong?" I look and wipe my tears away.**

**"I just talked with Dimitri that's all. What's up fire crotch?" his blue eyes light up with amusement.**

**"Nothing. Just checking up on you," he smiles. **

**"Tell me something," I say suddenly.**

**"Anything," he replies.**

**"Why did Willow kill herself?" he looks at me and there's no trace of pain.**

**"The note we found after you left said she didn't feel worthy... said she felt guilty for what she had done to you, and it said she heard Dimitri tell you he loved you," oh.**

**"Do you miss her?" I ask him out of curiosity.**

**"Honestly? Not really... I only hung out with her because of Adrian and Lissa. Besides we got you back," he grins and links an arm around me.**

**I laugh and Eddie comes in.**

**"Yep, we got you back babe!" he yells.**

**He gives me a big smooch on my cheek before he leaves and Christian gives me one in the forehead.**

**"Grooooosssssss!" I yell as he leaves. His laughter echoes in the hallway.**

**"He's turning all soft on you," Mia says from behind.**

**"I know," I say.**

**She walks and stops at the door way.**

**"Nothing is the same without you Rose... Come back to us. Complete," she skips over and hugs me before she leaves.**

**People these days.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**"I'm soooooooorrryyyyyyyyyyyy!" Lissa yells for the millionth time.**

**I groan for the millionth time.**

**And for the millionth time I say:"I told you, an hour ago, I forgave you!" she puts and sighs.**

**"Fine... I'll leave you to get your beauty sleep. See ya in the morning." I roll my eyes as I see her skip to her room.**

**I go to sleep laughing silently.**

**Maybe I really can do this.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**"Wow!" I exclaim as we arrive at the beach house we'll be staying over at.**

**It's not a beach house... more like a beach mansion.**

**All of it is of crystal and it's standing on a cliff. On one side it has small water falls that lead to a pool.**

**"How big is it?" I ask Lissa. She smiles at me.**

**"15 rooms, 10 bathrooms, 5 living rooms and kitchens," she says. **

**"Cool," I respond.**

**I look at the cliff, "Please don't jump over the cliff Rose!" Christian exclaims.**

**I roll my eyes.**

**"I'm over suicide. If anyone's jumping over the cliff, it'll be you," I say as I walk towards the house.**

**I hear laughter as I walk in.**

**I walk towards my room that has a perfect view of the crystal blue waters.**

**I press my forehead against the window and smile.**

**Yeah, I can definitely do this.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

_**Hehehe... So I'm only 14...**_

_**And I want to add a lemon... Should I?**_

_**I'm up for anyone who wants to write me one =) PM's me if you want to and I'll let you know between who ;D**_

_**And I know you guys didn't want her to forgive him so quickly... but she didn't...she forgave him in the past year =)**_


	23. Daniel

**_Ok quick questions... How many of you are fans of Twilight?... I used to be super obsessed but it wore off, yet watching the trailer for Breaking Dawn makes me really excited! Especially when Edward breaks the bed post xD_**

.

.

.

.

**"I need help!" I yelled from inside my room.**

**"What up?" Eddie asked from the doorway.**

**"I need you to put this water proof foundation to cover up my scars," I say as I look at him from the mirror.**

**"'Kay," he says and walks behind me.**

**"Where's everyone else?" I ask him as he rubs the make up in my back.**

**"Outside," he responds.**

**"So, you and Mia?" I ask him raising an eyebrow. A grin spreads across his face.**

**"Yeah... When you left we leaned into each other," I laugh as he says this.**

**"Adrian and...?" I'm curious about him.**

**"No one so far... We think he's still in love with you... but who knows?" I smile tightly.**

**"Jill," I answer.**

**"Huh?"**

**"Jill... He loves her, but he's unsure..."**

**"Adrian Ivashkov unsure?" he asks is surprise.**

**"After me... he lost his touch," I grin a little. Eddie laughs.**

**"You can make a man do a lot of things Rose," he says and walks out of my room. I laugh and throw a pillow at him.**

**I grab my towel and walk out to the beach.**

**I hear music as I get closer. I choose a spot next to Adrian who's looking at the waves.**

**"Hey," I say as I lie next to him. I watch Jill turn around to look at us and I see the jealousy in her eyes.**

**He turns his face around. "Hey," he answers.**

**"Go after her ," he smiles.**

**"I need you to get better before I do anything with Jill," I roll my eyes.**

**He was holding out for me.**

**"That could take years..." I trail off and he rolls his eyes.**

**"Well than I guess Jill will have to wait that long," I roll my eyes again and get up.**

**I take off the shirt I was wearing along with the shorts.**

**His eyes roam my body the usual way a man does.**

**I tsk and say, "This body isn't for sale... But I'm sure you can find a girl that will be more than willing," I wink and look at Jill who's looking at us and she blushes. **

**I laugh because I see Adrian blush too.**

**I feel someone's eyes on and I turn around to see Joshua and Ted. I can't help the smile that spreads across my face.**

**"Hey son's of bitches!" I yell. I see them throw their heads back in laughter.**

**I roll my eyes and focus on Dimitri.**

**He's wearing nothing but a pair of faded blue jeans. And his hair is tied back with few lose strands.**

**He smiles at me, a real smile, the type of smile I used to live for. I smile back at him and walk over to him.**

**"Still reading those stupid books I see..." he laughs.**

**"Oh Roza," he says exasperated. **

**But the way he says 'Roza' makes my heart leap.**

**I play around with my locket and he asks, "Did you like it?" I smile as I realize the bracelet really was from him.**

**"Yes thank you," I say.**

**The hours drag by and soon enough it's dark.**

**I watch as Christian and Adrian argue about god knows what, when I feel someone behind me. I get up and face a pair of red eyes.**

**Lissa and Mia scream and they scramble up.**

**The guardians all take a position in front of the Moroi. I gulp as I realize who the strigoi is.**

**"This is my fight," I say outloud. I hear the protests of people until Joshua shushes them all.**

**"Daniel," I say.**

**"Hathaway, nice to see you again," he hisses.**

**"You sure about that?" I taunt him.**

**"Yeah, cause this time it'll be me killing you and not the other way around."**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Dun, dun, dun! xD review and you'll know who Daniel is.**


	24. My First

**Daniel.**

**That one name brought many memories.**

**All of them horrible.**

**He had been my first kill and I had tortured him till no end for the fun of it.**

**He had flipped me off and I had cut off his finger.**

**"Are you sure that's how it'll be?" I asked him.**

**"Yes," was his quick answer as he threw a punch that didn't faze me. I just stood there with my arms crossed.**

**He kept trying to hit me but failed each time.**

**Eventually I grew tired and twisted him around by the hair.**

**Having to kill him a second time drove a stake through my heart. This would be my first kill in almost two years.**

**I snapped his neck and drove a hand through his chest.**

**His body sagged and I fell with his body. Something in me shut itself once more. Looking at his hand I saw his middle finger was still missing.**

**Seeing him again made me realize just how many people I had killed and how many lives I had destroyed in the process.**

**I stared into his pale eyes, they were no longer red, but his natural blue.**

**I felt like a monster right then, I had done horrible things. Things that would make other people throw up. Things I should have never done.**

**I looked at Daniel, I had killed him more than once.**

**A few drops of water fell on his cheek and I realized I'd been crying. Someone dragged me away from his body.**

**It was Dimitri and he pulled me closer to his chest, no doubt knowing who Daniel was.**

**"That wasn't you," he whispered in my ear.**

**"It's not like I was strigoi... That was me," I said back. He didn't say anything.**

**"I'm a monster... Something that doesn't deserve a second chance at anything." I said.**

**"Why not?" he asked me.**

**I gave a short, dry laugh.**

**"I killed people, Dhampir, Moroi, and humans alike, I've tortured them Dimitri. I've left families without a husband, dad, wife, son, daughter, grandson, granddaughter, brother, sister..." I trailed off looking over his shoulder at the water.**

**I watched it rise and then fall again.**

**It was like life.**

**One moment you're at the top, you've risen, and then you're brought back down from where you are... and fall again, only to start all over.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Short... but oh well I liked how it ended.**

**And I think I've been giving you longer chapter haven't I?**


	25. Not Giving Up

**There was no denying it.**

**No matter what he said or did.**

**I felt like a monster.**

**I had killed and tortured without mercy.**

**I might as well be a strigoi...**

**I hated myself once more.**

**But I knew I had to deal with it... I had to win the battle I was fighting myself.**

**I had been getting better, but being faced with my past?**

**Facing someone I had killed with my bare hands... Had ignited something in me.**

**A rage.**

**Turmoil.**

**I saw their faces, the face of every human, dhampir, and moroi that I had killed upon orders of Joshua.**

**At this moment I felt like I was carrying the world on my shoulders and whatever improvement I had made was diminishing.**

**And I didn't know how to stop it from happening.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**I leaned against Eddie's shoulder for support.**

**"Shh," he soothed me. "Everything's fine...All that you did...it wasn't you."**

**"Then who?" I asked bitterly.**

**"It was your crazy side...it was your only way to deal with the pain," he answered.**

**I laughed bitterly.**

**"I should have died.. you should have let me died Eddie. I was better that way," I said.**

**He looked at me with pained eyes, and it hurt I was the cause of that pain.**

**He pressed his forehead against mine, "Don't ever say that again. Ever. Understood?" he hissed.**

**I flinched and let the tears cascade again.**

**"I can't do this... It haunts me Eddie... How can I move on, how can I stop feeling like this when I've killed so many people?...When I still hurt over the death of Aleksei?" he didn't have an answer for that.**

**"I miss him every day... I see his face, I feel this hole in my chest. This need to cry all the time, this emptiness in my heart... I feel like I'm in the darkness."**

**"Then find your light." he answered simply.**

**"How?"I asked.**

**"You were doing fine... Leave your past behind, Rose you're strong," he said looking at me.**

**"Please don't give up."**

**I gave him a kiss in the cheek.**

**"I won't. Promise." was all I said.**

**I was going to push myself up no matter the cost.**

**But I wasn't going to give up.**

**I was going to fight this inner battle with myself.**

**And I was going to win.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

_**4th update! Ha...I have no life =(**_

_**Except when it comes to you =) hehehe.**_

**_I'm not going too fast am I?_**

**_Tell me what you think xD_**


	26. In The Arms Of An Angel

**I was curled up in a ball, in my room. I had been crying now in my room for hours. I didn't know where to go on from here.**

**What do I do now?**

**I wanted to get up... but I just couldn't.**

**There was so much I had to deal with.**

**So much pain.**

**So much turmoil.**

**There was a soft know on my door. I didn't feel like getting up.**

**I didn't understand why this had happened.**

**The knocks come more and more persistent, and I still didn't open the door.**

**At some point they knock the door down, and I still don't move.**

_**Flashback:**_

_**After Dimitri walked out of that door I sobbed.**_

_**I looked at Lissa.**_

_**"Oh Lissa... Please tell me it's not true," I begged her. My father came up to me.**_

_**At first I didn't notice, not until he looked at me in the eye. At first I thought they were my own tears, blurring my vision. But no... Abe Mazur was crying. "I am sorry Rose. The doctors tried everything... His heart just stopped beating..." I covered my mouth with my hand. He pulled me closer to him.**_

_**I still didn't want to believe him.**_

_**How could it be possible?**_

_**That my child was dead? That he was yanked away from me like that? It just didn't seem possible.**_

_**And I didn't want to believe it.**_

_**"NO! You're lying! Do not lie to me!" he shook his head. **_

_**I looked out the window.**_

_**"Rose..." my mother began.**_

_**I turned to look at her.**_

_**"Mom please... Tell me it's true, you're a mother...Please tell me it's a mistake," she looked at me and she burst into tears.**_

_**I pulled my knees closer and put my face in my hands.**_

**_I got out of my bed, yanking anything out of my body. I pulled my pants and ran out of there._**

**_I walked past Dimitri who had his forehead against the wall. His body shaking with sobs._**

**_I hear someone calling my name but I ignored it._**

**_I ran outside the hospital and out of the parking all the while being followed._**

**_I ran and stopped in the middle of the street, almost getting hit by a car._**

**_I sank to my knees in the middle of the street._**

**_It was raining heavy with thunder and lighting._**

**_It seemed at that moment that the sky felt my pain._**

**_I screamed like I had never screamed before. I screamed my pain to the world. The pain of a mother who had just lost her child. I raised my head to the sky. "WHY? ANSWER ME! WHY ME? WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO DESERVE THIS?" with this said it started to rain heavier if possible. "He didn't deserve to die... why God? If you exist tell me why him? And not me?" I got no answer. I pulled my hair. I screamed again, this time louder, and I let my pain echo in the night sky._**

**_Dimitri came the rescue and helped me up and got me to the sidewalk._**

**_Before we got there I collapsed, and he fell with me._**

**_He pulled me to him._**

**_And at the moment we both let the pain overtake us. We vibrated with the sobs that emanated from us. We both didn't want to believe what was happening to us._**

**_My head was resting in his shoulder and his head was on top of my head._**

**_I dug my nails into his back... I felt his pain and he felt my pain. I forgot at the moment that I was close to losing him._**

**_ We let the water fall on us and I wanted the whole world to know our pain._**

**_We both tried getting up, and I succeeded... Dimitri stayed there, and like me he lifted his head to the sky and screamed._**

**_It was heart breaking._**

**_I hugged myself and let the sobs come. I felt someone hug me, and I turned around to face Dimitri; I rested my head in his chest._**

**_"Why?" I whispered._**

**_His response was another sob._**

**_I looked up at the night sky... there was a full moon, and despite the rain, thunder, and lighting I saw a bid shiny star._**

**_I felt a warm breeze come over us._**

**_And I heard the flapping of wings._**

**_It was then that I hoped my baby was in the arms of an angel._**

**_._**

**_._**

**_._**

**_._**

**_A/N: I listened to 'In the arms of an angel' by Sarah McLachlan _**

**_It really added to the effect...I cried a little_**

**_ Sorry to leave you hanging there xD_**


	27. Learn To Love Again

**_A/N: The last chapter was a flashback... she was in her room crying over the Daniel thing cause it really affected her and she started remembering... Basically it all bottles down to Aleksei =)_**

**_Enjoy and review._**

**_._**

**_._**

**_._**

**_._**

**_._**

**_._**

**"Rose?" It was Adrian, but I couldn't manage to move a muscle.**

**I wiped away the tears and sat up with great effort.**

**"What?" I asked.**

**"We need to talk," my mother said.**

**I raised any eyebrow, "What about?"**

**"Everything," my dad responded.**

**I sighed, "You don't want to know."**

**"Maybe not, but we have to. You were doing great until the fight with the strigoi."**

**"Well I don't want to talk about it."**

**"Either you talk about this with us or a professional," Adrian said flatly.**

**I sighed. Again.**

**I got comfortable.**

**"I was fighting a strigoi, when I realized that well, he could kill me. That seemed and easy way out, until Joshua arrived. He saved my ass and he began training me. He taught me to control my emotions, showed me how not to feel pain, emotional or physical. After a few months I was ready and I killed my first.**

**Daniel Summers. He owed Joshua big time and he admitted to having killed Joshua's girlfriend a few years back. I got permission to torture him and I enjoyed it. In a way I inflicted my pain, the pain I kept hidden, on to my victims... " I continued for a hours telling them everything.**

**I had to give it to them, they kept a straight face. All the while Adrian was next to me, rubbing my arms. And at any point that I stopped he would sooth me and make me feel better.**

**It was his strength that kept me going.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

** ( Few months later)**

**I recovered.**

**I feel it in my bones.**

**I smile and laugh. I'm back to my old self and I got to stay here in The Bahamas.**

**Lissa rules our world from here.**

**Every one has seem my change.**

**The day I told them everything was the day I was released.**

**It didn't feel like I was carrying the world on my shoulders anymore.**

**I still have night mares about everything I've been through, but like Dimitri says.**

**That is something that will always be there and eventually it'll get better.**

**"Rose?" **

**"What's up Dimitri?" **

**"I was going to ask you something, if you aren't too busy," he says. His eyes darting from place to place. I was currently cooking, or trying to. Today was our last here before we left for Court.**

**I raised an eyebrow at him.**

**"Go ahead, Comrade," I gave him a soft smile. The use of my old nickname seemed to loosen him up a bit. I grabbed a glass of water and took a sip.**

**"You want to go out on a date?" I choked on the water. I was coughing and helped me out.**

**"Thanks," I say. I don't know what to say about the date.**

**Am I ready for a date. It's been a few months...**

**"It's okay if you say no," he clears his throat.**

**"Yes," my answer seems to surprise him.**

**"Uh be ready by 5..." I nod my head and he gives me a smile that takes my breath away.**

**He walks out and Adrian comes is.**

**"Why so happy Little Damphir?" I smirk at him.**

**"I have a date... you should to."**

**He laughs. He links an arm around my shoulder and gives me a kiss on the cheek.**

**"Will do," he says and I laugh. He walks out of the kitchen and leaves me alone to my own thoughts.**

**Love is an amazing thing.**

**It survives anything and everything if it's real.**

**I'm not sure I love Dimitri, after everything I've been through.**

**But there's a chance I can learn to love him again.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**=)**

**Review.**


	28. For The First Time

**"Ready to go?" Dimitri asks.**

**I smile and say, "As ready as I'll ever be."**

**We say our goodbyes and we get 'be careful's' I roll my eyes.**

**"You forget... I'm a professional hit man," I say as we walk out the door. I hear laughter and someone, Christian says, "That's why!"**

**Dimitri opens my door to a red Audi and gets in the car. As he walks around the car, I check him out. He's wearing a leather jacket with a white shirt under, and black jeans. His hear is hanging loose.**

**"No duster Cowboy?" I ask. He rolls his eyes.**

**"Decided to change it a bit."**

**I on the other hand was wearing a black halter dress that reached above my knee, and the straps along with the breast line were embellished with tiny diamonds; along with a black leather jacket and simple silver heels. I'd curled the ends of my hair and put it on a side pony tail, with strands hanging to frame my face. I wore mascara and black eyeliner with a tiny line of silver eye shadow; and a light pink blush and lip gloss. Adrian had given me sliver hoop earrings that had a black rose hanging.**

**"Did I mention you look beautiful?" he asked me as he started the engine.**

**I blushed a little, "No."**

**"Well you're beautiful, Roza," I smiled.**

**"You don't look so bad," he laughed.**

**"Where are you taking me?" I asked after 30 minutes of drive.**

**He didn't say anything and it was starting to annoy me. After a few minutes we arrived.**

**He helped me out the car and said,"Here," handing me a white cloth. He helped me put around my eyes and guided me somewhere.**

**We stopped and he took off the cloth.**

**I gasped.**

**We were standing in a wooden bridge on the blue waters. At the edge was a gazebo lighted with candles. There was a table with plates of food and more candles.**

**When we got there he gave me a bouquet of roses. I rolled my eyes. It was cute but I was tired of rose things.**

**We sat down and we started to eat.**

**We talked, about things we've already spoken about, but this was a new beginning. We talked about new things too.**

**And it felt like we were meeting for the first time.**


	29. Me

**_A/N: Someone asked for the list of songs I've used in my stories... thing is I can't find the review... So let me know again =)_**

**"So how was it?" I giggled a little.**

**"It was good... He gave me a goodnight kiss," I was smiling like and idiot as I plopped myself on the bed.**

**"Nice."**

**"It was kind of funny considering he is two doors down," I turn around to face him.**

**"How was your date Mister?" he gets this look his face... a look that up until now, only I was able to bring out.**

**"Wonderful," I don't ask for more, because I know what he means.**

**"I was talking with Lissa... She said that if you and Dimitri were up for it, you could stay here for a while," my jaw hits the floor and I turn to face him.**

**"Really Adrian?" he gives me a grin and nods.**

**"She's seen how happy you are... both of you really," Adrian gets up from the bed.**

**"Night Lil Dhampir, love you," he gives me a kiss on the foreahead and leaves.**

**"Love you Adrian."**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**The day they left for court Adrian had come up to me, he'd given me a kiss on my forehead, and said, "Careful...I'm not sure if we're ready for a new baby," loud enough for everyone to hear.**

**I had blushed and had smacked him on the arm. Christian had made fun of me until I got tired and kicked his butt, literally. **

**We'd been two days alone, now and on a date each day.**

**We'd gone dancing and to the movies.**

**And this time it felt like I really knew Dimitri and like he knew me.**

**Every day with him was fun to say the least, and it helped my heart heal a little bit more.**

**Dimitri was a great man, he made me laugh, and he was beyond handsome, despite being 29.**

**I was still trying to figure out what I should get him for his birthday which was in two days.**

**What do I get him? **

**"Rose?" Dimitri peeked his head into the kitchen where I was making myself and PB & J.**

**"What's up?"**

**"Just wondering where you were," he gave me a smile and went into the living room.**

**"Soo... Your birthday..." I said as I walked in.**

**He put down his cowboy book, "You don't need to get me anything, Roza, just you being here will do," I smiled at him. I still wanted to get something, I sighed and sat in the other couch.**

**"Roza... I don't want anything," he repeated himself.**

**I rolled my eyes, "You have got to want something," I said jokingly.**

**He didn't smile or laugh.**

**Instead he gave an intense look as his eyes wandered my body, finally landing on my eyes.**

**It was then that I knew what he wanted for his birthday.**

**Me.**

**But was it my body?**

**Or my love?**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**;D lol review =)... only a few more chapters to go!**


	30. I Love You

_**'Just don't stop let's keep the beat pumpin', keep the beat up let's drop the beat down  
>It's my party dance if I want to<br>We could get crazy let it all out  
>Just don't stop let's keep the beat pumpin', keep the beat up let's drop the beat down<br>It's my party dance if I want to  
>We could get crazy let it all out<strong>_

_**It's just you and me and we're runnin' this town**_  
><em><strong>And it's me and you and we're shakin' the crowd<strong>_  
><em><strong>And ain't nobody gonna tell us to go<strong>_  
><em><strong>Cause this is our show<strong>_

_**Everybody**_  
><em><strong>Whoa oh oh<strong>_  
><em><strong>C'mon<strong>_  
><em><strong>Oh oh oh<strong>_  
><em><strong>All you animals<strong>_  
><em><strong>Whoa oh oh<strong>_  
><em><strong>Let me hear you now<strong>_  
><em><strong>Oh oh oh'<strong>_

**I groaned and reached out to my night table for my phone.**

**"Goodness Adrian!"**

**"Nice hearing your voice too, Little Dhampir," I rolled my eyes.**

**"What do you want?" I said yawning and rubbing my eyes.**

**"You told me to wake you up really early so you could wake up the Craddle Robber remember?" **

**"Don't call him that," I said into the phone.**

**I heard his laughter from the other side.**

**"Bye Little Dhampir. Call me to let me know how it went," before I could answer he hung up on me.**

**"Stupid Adrian," I muttered as I got up from bed.**

**I saw the time on my phone, it read '4:00'.**

**I groaned yet again.**

**"I said early... but not that early," I muttered again.**

**I took a shower and got ready. By 5 I was ready and walked into Dimitri's room with breakfast.**

**Breakfast that I prepared.**

**"Happy Birthday to you!" I yelled setting down the tray and jumping on him.**

**"Rose," he groaned.**

**"Wakey wakey, Comrade!" I yelled jumping on him.**

**He grabbed me by the waist, "Okay, okay! I'm up!" he yelled laughing.**

**"Okay, now eat the breakfast I prepared!" he raised an eyebrow, and started laughing.**

**And I was sure it was at me and not with me.**

**"What?" I asked innocently.**

**"You cooked?" he asked laughing.**

**I rolled my eyes and got off bed, but he pulled me back by my waist.**

**He sat me on his lap.**

**"Yes... I cooked. And don't even ask how I learned," I said crossing my arms over my chest and frowning.**

**"Aww, turn that frown upside down," I rolled my eyes and got up. I gave him his breakfast and he gave an skeptical look.**

**"I didn't poison it or anything, trust me," he took a bite out of the pancakes.**

**His eyebrows rose.**

**I waited for his response.**

**And under my breath I muttered, "I swear Adrian, this doesn't work, I'm killing you."**

**"These are really good!" I sighed in relief.**

**"How-?" he asked in disbelief.**

**"One word Comrade. One word. Adrian," I mumbled and walked out.**

**I heard his laughter as I went in to the kitchen.**

**He walked out of his room with only his pajamas bottoms. He put his arms around my waist and rested his head on my shoulder. "I love you," he whispered into my ear.**

**The moment I hear those words I stiffened.**

**I got out of his hands and acted like he hadn't said anything.**

**I cleared my throat, "So, what are we doing tonight?" **

**"Whatever you want," he said and walked out.**

**I sagged in my chair.**

**Why had he said that if he knew how I felt?**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**"He said he loved me!" I yelled/whispered into the phone.**

**"Oh man, what you say?" **

**"I changed the subject," I said.**

**"Great Rose. On the man's birthday, you just had to go ahead and do that?"**

**"Oh shut up Adrian! I should have called Lissa instead," I said rolling my eyes.**

**"Trust me, she would have said the same thing," he answered.**

**I sighed, "You don't understand... after everything I've been through, I don't know what love is. I didn't want to lie to him."**

**"Well you won't be lying to him if you did love him," I sighed.**

**"See, you hesitated."**

**"Whatever," I said. If I loved him or not... that was up to me. But that was when I made the biggest decision of my life.**

**I had to do it.**

**"Anyways, how did breakfast go?" he asked.**

**"Great... at first he didn't believe me I had cooked it. But thanks," I told him.**

**"No problem... And you don't need to pay me."**

**Sometimes Adrian forgot I had money to rival his own.**

**"Are you ready?" Dimitri yelled from the living room.**

**"Look the Russian's getting impatient, call you later. Tell the gang what happen okay?" I didn't wait for his respond and hung back, like he did to me in the morning. I looked at myself in the mirror one last time and made sure I looked okay.**

**"Yes, I am," I said walking into the living room. **

**"You look wonderful," he whispered.**

**"Thank you. You look handsome."**

**He was wearing black dress pants and a black dress shirt opened up at his chest a little bit, and his duster.**

**I was wearing a strapless white dress that reached my knees. And it was the tight kind of dress. I wore silver high heels; I wore red lip stick, silver eyeliner and black eye shadow, with mascara and no blush.**

**He smiled at me and we walked out to the car.**

**We drove to the same place from our first date and settled down. **

**We laughed and talked once again.**

**Until he asked a dangerous question.**

**"So, how did you learn to cook?" I almost choked on my water.**

**I shrugged.**

**"C'mon tell me," he pleaded.**

**"Fiiiiiiineeeee. Adrianhiredacheftoteachme," I said really fast.**

**"What?"**

**I sighed and more slowly I said, "Adrian hired a chef to teach me."**

**He laughed.**

**"Diiimitrii," I whined.**

**"Sorry. Why are you so embarrassed though?" he asked.**

**"I don't know. The fact that Adrian hired someone to teach me in two days isn't enough?" I asked.**

**"Ah, but he taught you well."**

**I smiled, "Thanks."**

**Eventually at 11 we left for home.**

**We reached the the house and like every night, he walked me to my door.**

**He gave me a small kiss, but I reached for more. He gave me a longer kiss. Filled with passion and lust.**

**I twisted his hair in my hands.**

**He pulled away for air and that's when I realized we were in my room and in my bed.**

**He got up from bed, but I reached for him once more.**

**I wanted more.**

**More of him.**

**I needed him.**

**I kissed him before he could say anything. He pulled the dress off me and laid me on the bed.**

**"Rose, are you sure?"**

**I looked into his chocolate brown eyes. My heart was beating against my chest. Was I sure?**

**I kissed him again and unbuttoned his shirt. But he once more pulled away.**

**"Rose answer me."**

**And I knew what he wanted me to say.**

**Three small words. Three words that came from the bottom of my heart. The three words that would change everything.**

**"I love you."**


	31. I'm Back

_**'Just don't stop let's keep the beat pumpin', keep the beat up let's drop the beat down  
>It's my party dance if I want to<br>We could get crazy let it all out  
>Just don't stop let's keep the beat pumpin', keep the beat up let's drop the beat down<br>It's my party dance if I want to  
>We could get crazy let it all out<strong>_

_**It's just you and me and we're runnin' this town**_  
><em><strong>And it's me and you and we're shakin' the crowd<strong>_  
><em><strong>And ain't nobody gonna tell us to go<strong>_  
><em><strong>Cause this is our show<strong>_

_**Everybody**_  
><em><strong>Whoa oh oh<strong>_  
><em><strong>C'mon<strong>_  
><em><strong>Oh oh oh<strong>_  
><em><strong>All you animals<strong>_  
><em><strong>Whoa oh oh<strong>_  
><em><strong>Let me hear you now<strong>_  
><em><strong>Oh oh oh'<strong>_

**I reached out for my phone with great effort because I was being incarcerated by a certain Russian.**

**"What's up?" I whispered intot he phone.**

**"Whats up! Are you serious? We are very worried because you promised to call after the date, and then you don't!" Adrian screams.**

**I roll my eyes.**

**"I um got busy," is all I say.**

**"Busy? Busy doing- Oh...Oh..OH," realization hits him.**

**"You had sex with Dimitri," he answers.**

**"Adrian!"**

**I hear "She had sex with him?" "What?" "No way!" "Ask her how it was?" "Excuse me?"**

**I can't help but chuckle.**

**"Adrian... I gotta go."**

**"I bet," he answers and hangs up.**

**I lean back against Dimitri's chest and sigh in content.**

**I remember how last night his body reacted towards mine.**

**He made me feel loved.**

**He'd kissed every scar in my body, traced every scar...we've gotten to explore each other's body again.**

_**Flashback:**_

**_He flipped me, so he was on top of me._**

**_He looked into my eyes._**

**_"I love you too, Roza," he pulled my dress over me, and I managed to take off his pants._**

_**He traced my scar on my face and kissed it, "Beautiful," he whispered in my ear and entered me.**_

_**End lol**_

**"What are you thinking about?" he whispered in my ear.**

**A smile spread across my face.**

**"You," I answered and he smiled.**

**"We gotta get up," he said getting up from bed.**

**"No, c'mon. Let's stay in bed all day," I pulled back to bed and kissed him.**

**"Rose," he groaned.**

**"Fine. Fine." we got up from bed and got ready to leave for the U.S.**

**"Can't we stay longer?" I asked him, tracing my finger along his chest.**

**He stepped away.**

**"Don't," he warned. I pouted for the fun of it.**

**"Why not?" I asked him.**

**"Because I don't know if I'll be able to control myself," he said and walked out.**

**I shook my head in surprise.**

**Oh Dimitri.**

**The things you do.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**"Rose!" I whipped my head around to face Lissa.**

**"Hey, Liss!" I hugged her and she stepped away to reveal Adrian.**

**"Hey my Lil Dhampir!" he took me into his arms.**

**Adrian had helped me more then he knew, and for that I loved him.**

**"Fire Crotch! Miss me?" I jumped into his arms and his chest rumbled with his laughter.**

**"Oh yeah!" I heard the sarcasm in his voice and I was about to say something when he put me down and kissed me in the forehead.**

**"Of course I missed you. Don't be silly," he whispered in my ear and laughed.**

**"But if you tell anyone I said any of this, I will kill you Hathaway." I laughed and stepped away from him.**

**"'Kay Fire Crotch."**

**Eddie took me into his arms much more like Christian, and Mia gave me a quick hug.**

**When we arrived I was introduced to their children.**

**Christian and Lissa had a son, Andre and a daughter, Rose.**

**Eddie had two daughters named Caroline and Maddie.**

**Jill and Adrian were officially dating.**

**"Looks like a missed a life time," I joked.**

**"Yes, you did," was Mia's answer. I gave her a soft smile.**

**I was back, as much as I would ever be, but my past would always haunt me.**

**I realized that Aleksei's death would always haunt me... I would always miss him, but with the help of Dimitri, I knew it would get better.**

**The many death's I had caused, would always be there, the nightmares would never stop, but if I had Dimitri, I could face it all.**

**The past didn't matter anymore, it was history, and as much as I wanted to erase it; it was always going to be there, but eventually I would be okay. Eventually I would completely heal and move on.**

**But moving on for me didn't mean forgetting.**

**Because I would never be a able to forget my son or the people I had brutally murdered.**

**Moving on for me meant I had the strength to get back up,leave the pain behind, and be able to let go, so I could be happy once more, and maybe have kids.**

**It wasn't going to be easy.**

**But like Olena once said: it would get easier to bare, but I would never be the same.**

**Dimitri pulled me closer to his chest.**

**"Don't worry about it Roza," he said.**

**I nodded my head.**

**I looked around to the people around me.**

**To the people that loved me. I met Adrian's eyes and gave him a huge, thankful smile. **

**I looked up to meet Dimitri's eyes.**

**"I love you," he muttered.**

**"I love you too," was my response.**

**And just like that I was back.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

_**So this is where I originally stopped, BUT, if you wish, and if you tell me what more you want to happen, I can make it happen, but it's up to you. If I get 5 reviews telling me to continue, I will, but I will not do a sequel.**_

_**But either way:**_

_**Thank you for reading my story, it was great =) and I had fun.**_

_**Hope you did too.**_


	32. The Beautiful Truth

**_A/N: So, yes I made this one last chapter for you guys =) it is in the future and it is the last chapter of Beautiful Lie! Ah haha xD I enjoyed writing this and I'm glad to say I finished this story in less than a month._**

**_Review, and Enjoy._**

**_._**

**_._**

**_._**

**(5 years into the future)**

**I smiled as I watched Mason run around the garden, squealing in delight. I felt someone wrap their arms around my waist; I smelled his after shave.**

**"What is it Comrade?" he didn't answer, instead he made me face him.**

**In his hand he held something.**

**"Oh," was all I could manage to say.**

**"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked hurt.**

**I reached out with my hands and cupped his beautiful face in my hands.**

**"I wanted it to be a surprise," I say.**

**"Mommy!" we turn around and we start laughing at the sight.**

**Adrienne, our one year old daughter was squaddling, much like a penguin. She was taking her first steps, and was giggling in delight.**

**"Momaa, dadaa!" my eyes widened in surprised those were her first words. Dimitri ran towards her and picked her up in the air. I laughed at the father daughter moment.**

**In the last five years Dimitri and I had, had two kids. Mason Dimitri and Adrienne Melissa, who was named after Adrian, her god father; in our first year together we got married and I had 3 miscarriages, until Mason was born. After him we tried once and Adrienne was born, and now I was a few weeks pregnant.**

**I watched Mason and Adrienne play together, Dimitri caught my eye and smiled; I sighed in content.**

**Despite the three miscarriages I had, Dimitri stuck with me, giving me his support and strength, unlike last time.**

**And every night he was there whenever I woke up with nightmares. And like Olena said, it did get easier, but I wasn't the same.**

**I still didn't eat donuts, because in a way I blamed them, since the night of Aleksei's death we went for doughnuts and they reminded me of that night. **

**I was back to normal, but the scars of before and the few open wounds, had made me shut myself towards others that weren't my family or closest friends.**

**I smiled and laughed like before, but the sights I had seen in the world made me mature. I had seen things that would forever haunt me, but they made me who I was today.**

**And they made me strong.**

**Joshua, Ted, and I stayed in contact, but I wasn't working for Joshua anymore. Every Sunday I went to church with Dimitri, for forgiveness. And it helped sooth my heart, and close the wounds caused by the deaths I had caused in the past.**

**I was a guardian, but I wasn't Lissa's, instead I was stationed at Court. My friendship with Lissa was still healing, and my best friend was Adrian, he was the one I went to now. But if Adrian wasn't there I went to Lissa.**

**Dimitri came up to me, he bent down and kissed my stomach, "I love you," I grinned.**

**"Lucky you, I love you too," he laughed and got up.**

**He put his hand over my shoulder and together we watched our children play.**

**Like Eddie said to do 5 years ago, I had found my light in the darkness; Dimitri.**

**After all I went through I still remained, after all the tears I had shed there was beauty from my pain.**

**And the one promise that had kept me going:**

_**"I'll always be there Roza."**_

**Wasn't a beautiful lie anymore:**

**It was the beautiful truth.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

_**Alright it's done!**_

_**Ha I hope you liked it and thank you for sticking with me =)**_


End file.
